Questions & Thoughts
Question: I’ve heard that “you’ve got to hit a bottom for the program to work”. How do I know if I’ve hit BOTTOM?
Please submit your Thoughts, Feelings or Experiences about this question to the e-mail address below. You can also submit a SCA related article, poem, post or etc. to be considered for publication to the same address:
scannereditor@sca-recovery.org
Thoughts:
My view on “hitting bottom” is best expressed by the late David N., who wrote most of the Afterword for our Characteristics Commentary (P. 52 of the SCA Recovery Book) his words: “Some have suggested that we hit bottom when we stop digging: we finally realize how deep the hole in us had become.”
Eventually, my overwhelming desire to sexually act out led to a period where I despaired of ever being able to stop my behaviors. For me, that was “hitting bottom”. I gave up trying to dig further, and looked up, but couldn’t see the sky. I decided that I might as well go to a Twelve-Step meeting —which I had been avoiding—to see if I might find some possibility of breaking out of my downward spiral. — Anonymous
SCA LOS ANGELES
Please join use for L A’s next convention fundraiser/fellowship evening. Saturday December 9th – 7:00pm
SCA TORONTO, CANADA
Toronto Meetings: All SCA meetings in Toronto are Closed, i.e. for sexual compulsives only. We ask that only those qualifying under SCA’s Third Tradition “The only requirement for SCA membership is a desire to stop having compulsive sex” attend our meetings. Members of SCA also work on issues such as Love Addiction, Romantic Obsession and Sexual Anorexia, and individuals with these and similar problems are welcome at our meetings.
Please see the Area Meetings page for a list of SCA meetings in the Greater Toronto Area: https://sca-recovery.org/WP/meetings/tuesday-evening/?tsml-day=2&tsml-query=INPERSON&tsml-region=canada
Questions & Thoughts
QUESTION: 11/’23 “I don’t like bothering other people with my problems.” Do I really need a Sponsor in order to do the SCA Program?
Please submit your Thoughts, Feelings or Experiences about this question to the e-mail address below. You can also submit a SCA related article, poem, post or etc. to be considered for publication to the same address:
scannereditor@sca-recovery.org
THOUGHTS:
Back in AA’s early days, a sponsor was a member who would visit hospitals and “drying-out” facilities and offer to take responsibility for one of their patients. That meant not only that they would encourage them to go to AA meetings and work their recovery, but also might find them housing (Including inviting them into their own homes) and agree to be financially responsible for their sponsee.That level of commitment changed many years ago, and has never existed in SCA. The third tool in the SCA Recovery Book says “Sponsorship is two people with the same problem helping each other to work the program. It can provide a framework for a Sexual Recovery Plan and for doing the Twelve Steps, and can bring emotional support at difficult times.”
I found a sponsor in my first few months of SCA. He guided me through making my Sexual Recovery Plan and helped me with my Step work, though I was also a member of an independent Step writing group. These days, I don/t often need to call my sponsor: in fact he more often calls me. But that’s fine. For me, Sponsorship is a relationship of trust, honesty and mutual respect. I help him, and he helps me—as the SCA tool suggests. But I also have other program friends to whom I can turn.
To summarize: having a Sponsor greatly helped me in early recovery, especially by encouraging me to work the Steps. I no longer feel that I need a Sponsor, but I value our relationship.
Gordon B. (NY)
Questions & Thoughts
QUESTION: 10/’23 How has your concept of a “Higher Power” developed in the program?
Please submit your Thoughts, Feelings or Experiences about this question to the e-mail address below. You can also submit a SCA related article, poem, post or etc. to be considered for publication to the same address:
scannereditor@sca-recovery.org
THOUGHTS: From WD
Before recovery, I thought of God as having a script of exactly how things were supposed to play out. “Doing God’s will” meant figuring out what the script is and running it perfectly. Failing to follow the script meant disappointing God. This script of how God wanted things to play out didn’t necessarily have any connection to what I wanted; my will was just a thing to be overcome in following God’s will.
This created a lot of unspoken resentment in me. When I was working the third step, this resentment came to the surface. How can I trust in the care of a God who treats me like a chess piece to be moved around in whatever way serves his endgame? Why would God give me free will if the goal was simply to act like an automaton, doing whatever the programmer dictated?
Then I asked myself, “Who in my life represents the care of God to me?” I realized that my fellows in the program, among others, were living images of the care of God. And how do they treat me? Do they say, “I have decided that this is what you need to do, regardless of whether you want to?” No. They may give advice. They may say, “That doesn’t seem like a great idea; you may want to think it through.” Or, “This seems like something that you might want to consider doing.” But in their love and care for me, they ultimately want me to develop my own will and my ability to choose my path in life.
And if this is how the people who represent the care of God treat me, then perhaps that is how God treats me as well. It has been a difficult shift in perspective to make. But I am learning to see God not as the one who dictates every decision I should make, but rather as the one who wants me to grow and mature in using my own will to make good choices that lead to my happiness and fulfillment.
This created a lot of unspoken resentment in me. When I was working the third step, this resentment came to the surface. How can I trust in the care of a God who treats me like a chess piece to be moved around in whatever way serves his endgame? Why would God give me free will if the goal was simply to act like an automaton, doing whatever the programmer dictated?
Then I asked myself, “Who in my life represents the care of God to me?” I realized that my fellows in the program, among others, were living images of the care of God. And how do they treat me? Do they say, “I have decided that this is what you need to do, regardless of whether you want to?” No. They may give advice. They may say, “That doesn’t seem like a great idea; you may want to think it through.” Or, “This seems like something that you might want to consider doing.” But in their love and care for me, they ultimately want me to develop my own will and my ability to choose my path in life.
And if this is how the people who represent the care of God treat me, then perhaps that is how God treats me as well. It has been a difficult shift in perspective to make. But I am learning to see God not as the one who dictates every decision I should make, but rather as the one who wants me to grow and mature in using my own will to make good choices that lead to my happiness and fulfillment.
WD
Leading Sex Addiction Expert, Video Interview
15th Annual “S” Retreat in Eureka, MISSOURI
September 29 · 4pm – October 1 · 1pm CDT- STEPPING INTO WHOLENESS The focus of this retreat is on moving beyond guilt and shame into healthy, integrated recovery utilizing the 12 steps and other program tools of recovery. For more information please visit their website: https://sexaddictionkc.com/index.php/april-29th-30th-annual-s-group-retreat
SCA-JAPAN Convention 2023
SCA-JAPAN Convention 2023 will be held in Fukuoka for two days, November 4th(Sat)and 5th(Sun).
The first day is a closed meeting where people with sexual compulsion or think they may have
it can participate. On the second day, in addition to those involved, family and friends,
medical, supporters, and lawyers can also participate.
On the second day, we will invite Dr. Takeo Muto of Koyodai Hospital to give a lecture.
Please visit their website for more information: https://www.sca-japan.org
Questions & Thoughts
QUESTION:
9/23 How do you chose your sponsor? What are your and their’s expectations?
Please submit your Thoughts, Feelings or Experiences about this question to the e-mail address below. You can also submit a SCA related article, poem, post or etc. to be considered for publication to the same address:
scannereditor@sca-recovery.org
THOUGHTS:
8/’23 SCA’s “Statement of Purpose” is to help the addict who still suffers. A lot has changed in the last 50 years since SCA first addressed sexual addiction. SCA’s Outreach team would appreciate hearing from you on what is and isn’t working, not only in your local meetings but in general with how sexual compulsion/addiction is being addressed today?
Anonymous – SCA Los Angeles
SCA originally started in the gay communities of Los Angeles and New York, and is non-discriminating open to anyone suffering from sexual compulsion. I believe that most therapists and treatment centers still think of SCA as the place to recommend only to their LGBTQ clients. I think more people are seeking help from professionals first before attending any 12 Step “S” group and not finding their way to our meetings. Many people are not “acting out” but “acting in”. With the advent of Apps, social media, free porn, it’s easier to isolate into the disease . Even on line meetings are a bit isolating. As the nature of the disease has changed, SCA has kept up and produced some of the best literature available. With more Outreach, we can let the the health professionals become better informed about us and we can again become more available.
Gordon B.- Chair, SCA New York Intergroup
My experience is that SCA meeting attendance waxes and wanes. Currently, we are going through a transition period, in which a number of New York members attend our in-person meetings while avoiding Zoom meetings. Other NY members stick to Zoom but do not attend in-person meetings. We have a growing number of members who do not live in New York. For them, our Zoom meetings are a lifeline to the fellowship. Ideally, it would be great if those members eventually start their own in-person meetings locally. We are not yet at that point. But we should be grateful for what we have.
As a member of NY Outreach, I get a steady stream of inquiries from people looking for help. Some of them attend a few meetings, then drift away. Others stay. Many newcomers struggle with a sense of shame in admitting to be a sex addictive/sexual compulsive, etc. But I believe that more people than ever are asking for help. The pandemic added to the sense of isolation that many of us feel. Porn usage continues to rise. I believe that our fellowship is doing what we can to help the sexual compulsive who still suffers, both inside and outside the rooms. We can let go of the result.