Tuesday, January 14th

I believe I suffered residual emotional trauma from my childhood abuse. 

We can’t change the past. While we may have real, justified resentments and even lasting damage from what we have suffered, our willingness to release resentment can help free us from some of the burdens of the past. It may help us accept the present.

“I have gone back and worked through the repressed anger, sadness, frustration, and disappointments I avoided by acting out. I am trying to heal from those old wounds.”

We learn the truth of our stories by telling them. First, we discover our needs and feelings; then, we seek healthy ways to express them. The more we risk dismantling our defenses and exposing our defects, the more they lose their negative power over us.

It may be helpful to remember that letting go of resentments frees us from wishing we had a better childhood. The grief and loss that accompany this shift can rekindle pain that eventually liberates us to move forward in our lives.

After holding on to our resentments for so long, it is not easy to reverse the process. By making these changes, our recovery may expand as we begin to heal.

I have taken back my life, and the program is helping me lead the life I want to live.

Monday, January 13th

When I got drunk and had sex with strangers, I felt I had some value. I craved that feeling.

Many of us entered recovery seeking relief from multiple addictions. For some, sexually compulsive behavior was enhanced by drugs and alcohol. Sometimes, it was the other way around. Our euphoric highs, followed by crashing lows, often magnified both the sensations and the painful aftermath, adding to feelings of shame and low self-esteem. This repetitive cycle became more intense, often creating a sense of hopelessness.

“I couldn’t identify what I felt before having compulsive sex. Afterward, I felt remorse, guilt, and shame, which usually led to alcohol and more compulsive sex to escape those feelings. I finally admitted that if I continued to drink and drug, I could never stay sexually sober.”

For some of us, supporting our sexual sobriety by joining other fellowships that focus on substance addiction becomes part of our journey. Using the Tools of Recovery, including working the Steps, going to meetings, and doing service, helps us stay connected with our fellow recovering addicts, both in SCA and other fellowships. Continuing to tell our stories, reminding ourselves and others where we have been and how far we have come, helps us, helps others, and keeps us sober.

Continued sobriety in recovery has helped to raise my self-esteem.