Can You Recognize Your Own Denial?

from a blog by Scott Brassart on December 29, 2025

One of the interesting things about addiction is that most addicts think they don’t have a problem. They think, Sure, if someone else was engaging in the same behaviors that I’m engaging in, that person would have a serious issue, but it’s OK for me because…

This is their denial.

Generally speaking, denial is a series of internal lies and deceits that manifest externally. In other words, addicts lie to themselves first, and then to others. It is lying to themselves that is most important because, based on that imperfect foundation of manufactured truth, their behaviors seem utterly reasonable to them in the moment of their obsession. Outsiders can easily dismantle this house of cards, but addicts cannot (or will not). They repeatedly defend their manufactured truth (their lies and deceit) until their world disintegrates into one crisis after another after another. And even then, they don’t give up easily.

With addiction, denial takes several different forms, the most common of which are listed below.

Blame/Externalization: My partner has gained a lot of weight since we got married, and that’s unattractive to me.
Entitlement: I work hard and I support my family, so I deserve to have some fun.
Justification: If I was in a relationship, I’d be having sex all the time, so why can’t I be sexual all the time when I’m single?
Minimization: All I’m doing is snorting a little cocaine when I have sex. It’s not like I’m using meth or injecting.
Rationalization: Everybody looks at porn and plays around with hookup apps. That’s just life in the modern world.
Victim Mentality: Everybody wants so much from me. I just feel overwhelmed and at the mercy of everyone in my life. And my only relief, the only time I feel in control, is when I’m using porn.

To combat denial, addicts must first uncover the lies they tell themselves (and then others). Then they must reframe those lies into truth by using responsible language. Typically, healing from sex addiction, porn addiction, and paired substance/sex addiction presents challenges that can’t be dealt with solely in one-on-on therapy. In fact, most sex, porn, and substance/sex addicts require external reinforcement and support from fellow recovering addicts if they hope to permanently change their deeply rooted patterns of behavior.

Language Without Accountability

I only did a few lines.
I usually wear a condom.
I get sensual massages.
One thing led to another.

Language With Accountability

I was high on cocaine.
I’ve had unsafe sex four times.
I see escorts.
I decided to get high and act out sexually.

When denial is uncovered and addressed in this way, it loses power over the addict. Without such work, addicts can (and will) find ways to ignore the seriousness of their addictive behaviors so they can continue with those behaviors. Unfortunately, without honesty, this willful ignorance – this denial – can go on for years.

SCA Womans Meeting

SCA Women’s Meeting 2026

For Women and Non-Binary People

The Deadly Subculture of Internet Video Vigilantes by J.L.Flatley (edited for the SCAnner)

Predator catchers are social media influencers conducting amateur sting operations to expose alleged child predators. I first learned of the death of Craig Gertz when an activist in San Diego told me about a YouTube livestream he had witnessed in 2021. In the video the vigilante chased Gertz down the street to his house and waited outside until Gertz killed himself inside the residence. The gunshot could be heard on the livestream. The video was then removed from YouTube. These tragedies highlight the potential consequences and harm to addicts from the actions of predator-catcher vigilantes.

These vigilantes pretend to be minors looking for sex online. Once they’ve made contact with a “suspected “predator, they arrange a meeting, videotape the encounter, and then post the video online to shame them publicly. They think they know more about stopping sexual assaults than law enforcement, public health professionals and the courts. They can become very aggressive, seeking financial incentives for making videos registering over 300,000 views.

Suicide is a real possibility anytime you publicly shame, or threaten to publicly shame, an alleged predator. There have been many other predator catcher suicides around the world. Few of these sting operations lead to arrests; even fewer result in convictions. One issue is that the evidence obtained rarely stands up in court. Another is that many of the targets have serious addiction issues that allow them to be enticed into meeting with the vigilantes. Many police departments will not work with civilians acting as undercover operatives and do not condone such activities.

Alleged predators often face harassment, with some committing suicide, as seen in the case of Craig Gertz. However, a significant portion of those targeted seem to be guilty of nothing more than being catfished. This entrapment is usually initiated on “dating or hook-up” apps. And their anonymous nature makes it easy for real minors to put themselves in harm’s way. There is no real way to keep minors off these platforms. It’s also an ideal place for homophobes to create false profiles to dox, harass and entrap people that have not committed any crimes. Usually when a complaint is filed against these vigilantes their attorneys file an anti-SLAPP (Strategic Lawsuit Against Public Participation) motion to have the charges dismissed to protect their right for free speech, so they can speak out and participate in public discourse without fear of reprisal. Is harassing protected under the First Amendment?

What often happens is the victim may be cruising a “dating” app and may get a message from an anti-pedophile vigilante posing as a minor in order to lure the adult into a real-life confrontation. When finally meeting it is patently obvious he is not a minor and that they are being videoed. The target is then given a choice to help create content (for social media) by appearing in their video, or have all the evidence (texts, calls, pictures, etc.) turned over to the police. Often the police are called anyway while they film the target’s confession or story and possibly their arrest. Once the information is leaked, it becomes the news of the day. The media does not seem to be interested in the problematic nature of the predator catcher community or how it conducts its sting operations.

Whether they are fueled by social media and the drive for viral content or because they believe the justice system isn’t acting quickly or effectively enough, vigilante justice involves individuals or groups taking the law enforcement into their own hands without legal authority. We are not condoning these activities or those targeting under-age adolescence/children. Both have serious problems and my be breaking our laws. We do support the SCA (Sexual Compulsives Anonymous) Program as a means to help those that may be suffering from Compulsive Sexual Behavior Disorder (CSBD).

Questions & Thoughts

“I am hopping and trying to find meetings with open communication. This will only help me with my own Honesty, Shame, Trust, Hope, Strength & Willingness to Learns and to Stay & Remain OPEN Always .. Please 🙏 Any HELP IS & Will be Appreciated” – D.W.

Dear D.W.,

All SCA meetings support member’s sharing their feelings, experience, strength and hope with each other, that they may solve their common problem and help others to recover from sexual compulsion. If our behavior was illegal, we might seek out someone (like our sponsor) with whom we can be entirely honest without fear of consequences and choose to share our feelings at meetings instead of the details. We ask members to respect the anonymity and confidentiality of every person we meet and everything we hear at meetings.

Anonymity assures that our meetings are safe for those in pain. This respect of anonymity keeps the program safe for members and prospective members to attend. Through the anonymity offered at meetings, we find a refuge where we are neither judged nor shamed. Many of our meeting’s format have a sharing portion where members may share breakthroughs or breakdowns in their program, ask questions, get current on situations in their lives, or just express honest feelings they may be in touch with. Crosstalk is discouraged and is defined as: Giving advice, criticizing, or making comments about someone else’s share, questioning or interrupting the person speaking, talking while someone is sharing, or speaking directly to another person rather than to the group.

We suggest attending a few meeting to find a “home” meeting that you feel most comfortable. We have available in-person, on line, virtual and hybrid meetings that can be found on our website: sca-recovery.org