May 21st Meditation: Compulsive Shame

Wednesday, May 21st

I felt ashamed for acting out. The only remedy seemed to be more sex.

For the sexually compulsive person, shame may be a compulsion in itself: something we may hate but cannot resist.

Shame is how we perceive ourselves and how we perceive the world. We sometimes embrace the idea that someone may think we are less than or otherwise inferior. For many, shame has become pervasive, overshadowing our thoughts and actions.

“The shame from getting caught was both terrifying and powerfully seductive.”

Our feelings of shame and unworthiness increased our fear of physical or emotional intimacy. If we could not love ourselves, how could we share ourselves with another person? We continually searched for ways to get out of ourselves, to escape from these feelings. We often constructed barriers that disguised our behaviors. After negating ourselves for so long, it’s not easy to reverse the process.

Yet, we may find that what we were so desperately seeking was not shame and degradation but an experience of wholeness, fulfillment, and joy — in fact, a spiritual experience. Slowly, we bring recovery into our daily lives.

We learn to replace the old demeaning voices in our heads with new messages of approval and self-assurance.

Accepting loving attention is a mirroring process that begins to heal shame.

May 20th Meditation: Honest with Ourselves

Tuesday, May 20th

Made a searching and fearless moral inventory of ourselves.

The “moral inventory” referred to in Step Four is about facing the truth — helping to clean out the cycle of shame that fuels our obsessive thinking and compulsive behavior. It is not about becoming “pure” or being worthy of a deity’s praise. We do this because experience has shown that the spiritual principle of “cleaning house” will help us stay away from our sexually compulsive behaviors.

“Every time I go through the Steps, I learn something new about myself that provides insight into how I deal with my problems.”

SCA is a spiritual program that asks us to take actions that might at first feel uncomfortable or seem counterintuitive. The essential point is to be thorough and rigorously honest. We are not undergoing this process to punish ourselves but to heal ourselves. We have a spiritual sickness that will continue to thrive if we do not remove the “fuel” it feeds on.

By doing this inventory, we learn about our character defects and identify our assets. We find that our defects keep us self-centered and apart from others. When our character defects are removed (Steps Six and Seven), we feel “right-sized” — neither better nor worse than our fellow members.

Working the Twelve Steps is a spiritual process of growth, being, and becoming.

An SCA Outreach Weekend

Thanks to the efforts of Gordon B., Gary S., Robert A., and Brian V., SCA has reached out in new ways to hundreds of individuals in the addiction community trying to help those that may be suffering from SCBD (Sexual Compulsive Behavior Disorder).

SCA presented it’s first ever workshop and meeting at the AA Florida Roundup in Ft. Lauderdale. The session focused on the Characteristics – which were somewhat unfamiliar to many of the attendees – and the Tools of Recovery. At the same time across the country in Phoenix, AZ, SCA was a first time exhibitor at the annual IITAP (International Institute for Trauma and Addiction Professionals) Symposium. This event was well attended by the most influential therapists and treatment facilities in this field. Most of those that stopped by our both were not familiar with SCA and this was a great opportunity to enlighten them of all the good work that we do. Those that knew of us, said that they refer many of their clients to our meetings and were happy to see us at this event.

We hope that SCA’s outreach will help grow our program, and in doing so will help our members recovery.

The Deadly Subculture of Internet Video Vigilantes by J.L.Flatley (edited for the SCAnner)

Predator catchers are social media influencers conducting amateur sting operations to expose alleged child predators. I first learned of the death of Craig Gertz when an activist in San Diego told me about a YouTube livestream he had witnessed in 2021. In the video the vigilante chased Gertz down the street to his house and waited outside until Gertz killed himself inside the residence. The gunshot could be heard on the livestream. The video was then removed from YouTube. These tragedies highlight the potential consequences and harm to addicts from the actions of predator-catcher vigilantes.

These vigilantes pretend to be minors looking for sex online. Once they’ve made contact with a “suspected “predator, they arrange a meeting, videotape the encounter, and then post the video online to shame them publicly. They think they know more about stopping sexual assaults than law enforcement, public health professionals and the courts. They can become very aggressive, seeking financial incentives for making videos registering over 300,000 views.

Suicide is a real possibility anytime you publicly shame, or threaten to publicly shame, an alleged predator. There have been many other predator catcher suicides around the world. Few of these sting operations lead to arrests; even fewer result in convictions. One issue is that the evidence obtained rarely stands up in court. Another is that many of the targets have serious addiction issues that allow them to be enticed into meeting with the vigilantes. Many police departments will not work with civilians acting as undercover operatives and do not condone such activities.

Alleged predators often face harassment, with some committing suicide, as seen in the case of Craig Gertz. However, a significant portion of those targeted seem to be guilty of nothing more than being catfished. This entrapment is usually initiated on “dating or hook-up” apps. And their anonymous nature makes it easy for real minors to put themselves in harm’s way. There is no real way to keep minors off these platforms. It’s also an ideal place for homophobes to create false profiles to dox, harass and entrap people that have not committed any crimes. Usually when a complaint is filed against these vigilantes their attorneys file an anti-SLAPP (Strategic Lawsuit Against Public Participation) motion to have the charges dismissed to protect their right for free speech, so they can speak out and participate in public discourse without fear of reprisal. Is harassing protected under the First Amendment?

What often happens is the victim may be cruising a “dating” app and may get a message from an anti-pedophile vigilante posing as a minor in order to lure the adult into a real-life confrontation. When finally meeting it is patently obvious he is not a minor and that they are being videoed. The target is then given a choice to help create content (for social media) by appearing in their video, or have all the evidence (texts, calls, pictures, etc.) turned over to the police. Often the police are called anyway while they film the target’s confession or story and possibly their arrest. Once the information is leaked, it becomes the news of the day. The media does not seem to be interested in the problematic nature of the predator catcher community or how it conducts its sting operations.

Whether they are fueled by social media and the drive for viral content or because they believe the justice system isn’t acting quickly or effectively enough, vigilante justice involves individuals or groups taking the law enforcement into their own hands without legal authority. We are not condoning these activities or those targeting under-age adolescence/children. Both have serious problems and my be breaking our laws. We do support the SCA (Sexual Compulsives Anonymous) Program as a means to help those that may be suffering from Compulsive Sexual Behavior Disorder (CSBD).

Officially approved a new characteristic on Sexual Anorexia/Avoidance

Last week a new characteristic was approved at the 2025 International Service Organization (ISO) conference. Here is the language of the newly approved characteristic:

We were sexually anorexic: in despair about our lack of physical and emotional intimacy with ourselves and others, yet unaware of how much we feared and avoided it.

The ISO of SCA also unanimously approved a motion to list this new characteristic as #11 in our list of The Characteristics Most of Us Seem to Have in Common. This new characteristic #11 is now incorporated into all the www.sca-recovery.org characteristic readings, including “Newcomers,” “Program and Tools,” and the SCA Literature store, where individual copies of the Four-Fold and For the Newcomer can be downloaded and printed for free. These include the revised Characteristics. As of this morning, both the SCA NY and the SCA LA websites have also included the revised Characteristics.