Aug. 16th Meditation: Shifting attitudes

Tuesday, August 16th

I feared I might end up hanging around acting out places for the rest of my life, full of regrets and despair.

For many of us, our sexual history is littered with failed attempts to stop harmful behaviors. Anxiety, fears, low self-esteem, resentment, shame, and the urge to escape these feelings can trigger us to act out our sexual compulsions.

We might battle with intrusive thoughts. We may relive inner dramas, compelled to repeat the same old story, hoping for a better ending each time.

Replaying our past and carrying those fears and resentments into recovery can often hinder our progress. Yet, we hear others share their stories and find hope that we, too, may escape from the burdens of past baggage.

Through working the Steps and using other recovery tools, we find the courage to face our feelings, not repress or escape them. In doing so, we begin to shift our negative attitudes towards positive, affirming ones.

With our Higher Power, we learn to show compassion for ourselves and others. We notice that our world expands when we are “on the beam” of recovery. This personality change can affect our lives in ways we might scarcely believe possible.

We develop patience and trust in our lives and continue to benefit from witnessing others recover.

 

Aug 15th Meditation: Surrender

Monday, August 15th

My first three Steps: admitting I needed help and beginning to accept that help.

Most of us associate the word “surrender” with defeat, as in: “I give up!” That expression has a finality about it– the end of a story. But our story doesn’t end there. We joined SCA because we wanted relief from sexually compulsive activity that was often repetitive, mindless, and harmful.

We seek recovery when we realize that no amount of sex will ever fill our emptiness or make our lives magically free from everyday irritations. However, our previous efforts to escape usually failed.

“I admitted that I’d never control the disease and that I had to let go before it killed me.”

The benefits of “turning over” or “letting go” can be summarized simply: Let go or be dragged. What is it that are we letting go of? Our false belief that compulsive sex will somehow enable us to escape those things we fear encountering.

Reading the first three Steps suggests that we surrender but are not “giving up.” In fact, we are turning over our control to a power greater than ourselves and learning to trust this power to guide us to change our behaviors and expand our lives.

The process of surrender never ends. I’m graced with a daily reprieve.