May 16th Meditation: Seeking Connection

Monday, May 16th

With every failed date, I plunged deeper into dangerous and desperate public sex with strangers.

Loneliness and the search for connection are common themes for most sexual compulsives. Many of us shied away from friendships or relationships altogether because contact with our peers threatened us. We were sure that others could see our lack of value. We discovered power and pleasure in manipulative seduction, sexual prowess, and a growing list of conquests in our search for esteem.

“I was trying not to think about my problems while desperately trying to find a connection, anything that could distract me.”

As our acting out behaviors increased and intensified, they made our sense of isolation and loneliness more acute and painful. Yet, the more physical contact we had, the less connected to others we felt.

Many of us repeatedly sought healthy relationships but lacked the emotional courage to be open about ourselves. We believed our self-worth depended on our ability to please others sexually.

Attending meetings and listening to others’ experiences may help us become more comfortable with our sexuality and find ways to express it appropriately. Socializing breaks down the sense of loneliness and isolation in which our compulsion thrives. We make friends and develop trust with our fellows.

We can build new lives based on reality rather than fantasies.

 

May 15th Meditation: Fantasy and numbness

Sunday, May 15th

The characteristics spoke of fantasy and masturbation issues and the need to seek oblivion. I related to those.

Many of us used compulsive masturbation, casual sex, anonymous sex, and other activities to avoid feelings. These behaviors provided the means to escape from reality into a fantasy world. We often remember times in our past when sex and fantasy brought us excitement. Some experienced euphoric recall of past sexual exploits.

We may have found ourselves in a deepening downward spiral of compulsivity and illusion. Sex and fantasy were our anesthetics, numbing our pain and sheltering us from the realities we didn’t want to face. The worst realization was that our increased sexual acting out no longer stopped our pain but instead added more pain. We needed to find a new source of spiritual energy to rejuvenate our lives.

Working and practicing the Steps and the tools helps us manage our compulsive behavior, leading us towards a more sober life. Gradually, our lives improve as we continue to embrace recovery as a new way of living. We learn to separate fantasy from reality in life and intimate relationships. We develop healthy boundaries with others. We remember to be gentle and kind to ourselves and learn how to live among our fellows.

I have accepted reality, which is much more fulfilling than fantasy.

 

Summary of SCA’s ISO 2022 Conference

Summary Report on the ISO 2022 Conference

The International Service Organization of Sexual Compulsives Anonymous held its annual conference this past weekend: April 29 – May 1, 2022.

Listed below are some of the conference’s highlights, which took place on Zoom.

Delegates representing 82 meetings attended the conference. Several members of SCA Japan (9 meetings) joined us Friday night and made a full report of SCA Japan’s activities. We also heard from most domestic US/Canada meetings and some scattered international meetings.

Recovery book sales (print & e-book)

Since the ISO released the new Recovery Book (print version) on November 17, 2021, sales have been brisk and steady. Through March 31, 2022, the ISO has sold 243 copies of the print edition and 101 copies of it in E-Book form.

Decisions made and Actions taken

  • The delegates agreed to amend the ISO Shipping, Handling and Merchandising policy to reflect the change to single destination shipping charges made in 2014 and eliminate sections about practices no longer applicable.
  • The delegates approved a motion to fund the effort to obtain copyrights for updated chapters in the Recovery Book (2nd editions) by acquiring Copyright assistance software.
  • The delegates approved two (2) motions regarding re-printing the yellow 4-fold. The first was to allocate money to re-print 10,000 copies with the updated language approved in 2021; the second stipulated that 1,000 copies be distributed without charge to groups to encourage replacing the old version.
  • We considered two new pieces of literature: an SCA Step Workbook and a book of Daily SCA Meditations. We referred both these documents to the Literature Development committee for further revisions.
  • The ISO Literature Development Coordinator—Tony D.—asks all SCA members to consider doing service by volunteering to join sub-committees now being formed to work on these pieces.
  • We also voted to form an ad-hoc committee to consider the feasibility of producing an audio version of our new SCA Recovery Book. Again, we are looking for members to help with this project.

 New ISO officers

In keeping with our rotation of service policy, half of the ISO Executive Committee positions were up for election.

  • Inreach Committee: Tony D. (NY) was elected Inreach Chair, succeeding Gary S. (LA) for a two-year term.
  • Fiduciary Committee: Due to a last-minute change, we could not elect a new Fiduciary Chair to succeed David N. (NY), who has completed his (maximum) two consecutive two-year terms. David has agreed to stay as a “caretaker” on an interim basis (without voting rights) until we find a volunteer to replace him. Please consider helping us with this essential and valuable service.
  • Director-at-Large: Gordon B. (NY) was elected, succeeding Laura R. (LA), who served one two-year term.

SCA NY’s 40th Anniversary celebration: June 18th

SCA New York is proud to celebrate its 40th birthday this year.  Join us — in person or virtually — on Saturday, June 18, 2022, at the LGBT Center at 208 West 13th Street, New York, NY 10011, or in SCA NY’s Zoom room #1.

​We will present a Founders Forum at 3:30 pm, honoring Bill L., Frank H., and Saul M. followed by a Gratitude Meeting, from approximately 4:30 to 6:00 pm. Members are welcome to stay afterward to enjoy refreshments and conversation until 7:00 pm (all times are Eastern).

Both the Founders Forum and Gratitude Meeting will be conducted in person and can be attended via our SCA NY Zoom Room #1. Please check our website: www.scany.org for more details, including Zoom room access details.

We ask that those planning to attend in-person fill out the registration form on the www.scany.org website. This will help us plan seating and refreshment arrangements.

ISO Report to the SCA membership

Greetings to all fellow SCA members,

The annual conference of SCA’s International Service Organization (ISO) took place May 3rd-5th in Chicago, IL.

Among other business matters, the ISO did the following:

Voted to unconditionally approve the previously submitted (2018)  commentary on The Twelve Traditions of SCA . This is now SCA conference-approved literature, and it will be published and made available for purchase later this summer.

Voted to approve 2 SCA stories of personal recovery to be made available as part of a forthcoming SCA Big Book. There are currently a number of such personal recovery stories that have been previously submitted to ISO, and the Recovery Book sub-committee is charged with continuing the editing process so that more of these can be approved next year.

ISO also voted to again provisionally approve (for one year) the 2018 submitted piece on The Promises. This will be reviewed and edited by the Literature Development Committee, along with recent submissions on The Promises by other contributors. 

As is the case for all provisionally approved SCA literature, copies of The Promises piece will be made available to interested members. We encourage any comments, criticisms, praise or suggestions concerning The Promises document to be sent to iso-lit-comments@sca-recovery.org.

Speaking of the “SCA Big Book”, I feel that we are getting closer to that long-awaited date when it will become a reality. This project had been discussed and worked on for at least the past 15 years.  Still to come are commentaries on the 12 Steps and also on the 14 Characteristics. The Recovery Book sub-committee continues to work on these, and the Literature Development Committee will also review them, along with the recently submitted (but not approved) Toronto & Online Intergroup commentary on the Characteristics. 

Tony D. has volunteered to remain as Literature Development Coordinator for the next 12 months. And thanks to Mike O, who has served as Recovery Book sub-committee chair for the past few years. He will stay on as a working member of that committee. 

—The SCA member survey —

ISO has recently sent emails to all intergroups and to other meetings announcing the upcoming SCA worldwide Member Survey, which will become live on our website www.sca-recovery.org during September & October 2019.

The purpose of this survey is to assess the general health and functioning of the fellowship as a whole. To this end, the Fellowship Inventory Committee has developed an online survey to help assess how well the fellowship is living up to its primary purpose of helping sex addicts achieve and maintain sexual sobriety.  This survey will be conducted during September and October 2019.  It will be available online to all SCA members worldwide, and our goal is to reach as many SCA members as possible. 

In order to facilitate the broadest participation in the survey, we are requesting the assistance of all SCA intergroups and individual meetings in identifying Survey Liaison volunteers to help inform members of the survey and to encourage them to take part.

More will be announced at your meetings during July and August.

ISO continues to develop its outreach program to the Sexual Compulsive who still suffers. Our Outreach Chair—Rich K., along with Noel F and Jonathan D. from SCA in LA—have successfully launched a digital and print “how to” guide which will reach out to more people thru the social networks. Other intergroups and meetings are encouraged to learn more, and to consider using this tool in their own local outreach. Contact outreach@scalosangeles.org for more information.

ISO re-elected the following Executive Committee members:

—-Gordon B.for a 2-year term  to continue as the ISO Chair until 2021 

—-Rich K.  for a 2-year term to continue as ISO Outreach Chair until 2021

ISO elected Alexandra Katehakis to serve for a 2-year term as the Outside Director on the Executive Committee. (2021). Dr. Katehakis is a certified Sex Addiction Therapist and the Clinical Director of the Center for Healthy Sex in Los Angeles. She has written a number of books, and has spoken at many S-program conferences, including SCA in LA. 

Dr. Katehakis replaces Linda Engstrom, who served two full 2-year terms as  our Outside Director. We thanked Linda for her devoted service to ISO since 2015.

Remaining on the Executive Committee now beginning the 2nd year of their respective 2-year terms are:

David N. Fiduciary Chair (2020)

Gary S.  Inreach Chair (2020

Jim M. Director-at-Large (2020).

ISO also approved a by-law change, explicitly defining partial-term service and how it affects term limits for officers.

 I would like to thank all members of the SCA Chicago Host Committee , led by John S, who provided for all ours needs during the May ISO Conference, and who made feel at home. A special thanks Diane V., our recording secretary, and to Mike O., our technical director for the Conference. Thanks also to Russell P., our Treasurer, to Greg I., our webmaster, to Matthias P., our international meeting list coordinator, and for all who have done service throughout the year.

yours in service,

Gordon B.

ISO Chair

SCA New York Holiday Show

SCA New York Holiday Show: The Book of More Men

Friday, January 4, 2019 and Saturday, January 5, 2019 at 8:00 pm

Join us for our SCA Winter Show and Holiday Fellowship:

The Book of More Men

Friday & Saturday January 4th and 5th at 8 pm (Please arrive at 7:30 pm)

The American Theatre of Actors

314 W 54th Street

New York, NY 10019

Holiday fellowship with light refreshments will follow each performance!

Buy your ticket(s) now !

https://www.scany.org/events

 

ISO update to all SCA members

A message to all SCA members, from your International Service Organization

Dear SCA members,

the annual conference  of SCA’s International Service Organization (ISO) took place April 20th-22nd in St. Louis MO

Among other business matters, the ISO did the following:

—heard and approved the final report of the History & Unity Committee, which described in detail how SCA was formed separately in Los Angeles and New York, and quickly came together as a 12-Step fellowship, helped by a growth in shared literature and by “cross-pollination” of members  and 12-step principles between the two cities.

—heard and approved a report of the newly-formed  Ad Hoc Committee on Program Inventory, now known as the Fellowship Inventory Project.  This committee was started last year in response to the growing concerns  among individual intergroups and meetings over the recent decline in membership in some regions. This committee has now been granted a charter by ISO to continue examination of SCA’s strengths and weaknesses, in order to clarify our need for acceptance and/or need to take actions, going forward. The committee’s work may include a survey of the fellowship, as part of the process of identifying areas that may need strengthening, in order to fulfill SCA’s primary purpose—to carry the message to the addict who still suffers. The Fellowship Inventory Committee operates under the Inreach umbrella.

we have 3 new pieces of literature:  two of them “provisionally approved” for one year, which means that are printed in a limited number, and  have been sent to ISO delegates and Intergroups, seeking comments and suggestions for possible changes/additions/deletions.

They are: 

Commentary on the 12 SCA Traditions , submitted by Toronto Intergoup. This replaces the Traditions document that had been provisionally approved at the 2017 ISO. The new version was “provisionally approved” by the ISO and  was  duly published and sent to ISO members and intergroups earlier  this summer. The Literature Development Committee has since received feedback, and will use this as a basis for suggested revisions.

— Commentary on The Promises of Sexual Compulsives Anonymous, also submitted by Toronto Intergroup, and currently available for use by SCA Toronto meetings. This has also been “provisionally approved” , and will soon be sent to ISO delegates and intergroups. The Literature Development committee welcomes any feedback from the membership, prior to its submission for a possible final, unconditional approval at next year’s ISO Conference.

The Sponsorship Pamphlet. This document, which had already received final approval at the 2017 ISO Conference, was never printed, and has since received some welcome editorial changes from the Toronto Intergroup. The newest version has been given final, unconditional approval by the 2018 Conference. It will be published in October  and will become part of our SCA Conference-approved literature, available for online purchase.

On Fiduciary matters, the previously approved Privacy policy has been implemented and is now in force. This policy guides how we gather, use, retain and purge information about anyone who contacts ISO,  who orders literature from the ISO website, or who does service for ISO. 

 

we also have new written documentation on ISO service positions, which have been written and compiled as part of a project to produce a comprehensive service manual.

we heard a report from our Archives Committee, who have made significant progress on transcribing interview tapes from early SCA members and founders.

We also conducted elections for Executive Committee members. The Executive Committee consists of 6 members, 3 of whom are up for election in even-numbered years, and the other 3 members in odd-numbered years.

David N. (New York) is now the Fiduciary Chair, having taken over from John F. (Paris), who completed a two-year term.

Gary S. (Los Angeles) is now the  Inreach Chair, having taken over from Tony D. (New York), who completed 2 two-year terms

Jim M. (St. Louis) is now the  Director-at-Large, having taken over from Dan W. (Los Angeles) who completed a one-year term.

ISO is very grateful to John, Tony and Dan’s hard work and devotion in their recent service positions. 

the remaining executive committee members are:

Rich K. Outreach Chair

Linda Engstrom , Outside Director

Gordon B. ISO Chair

these 3 service positions will end their term after the 2019 ISO Conference, which is tentatively scheduled for May 3rd-5th, 2019 in Chicago IL. 

The next ISO Quarterly Conference call will take place  3:00-5:00 pm  EDT , Saturday October 20, 2018, via our conference call app—StartMeeting. Any SCA member may participate. ISO delegates are encouraged to do so.

yours  in service 

Gordon B.

ISO Chair