Saturday, April 27th

Letting Go of Character Defects

I first went to SCA meetings to try to control my compulsive behaviors.

Step Three is about letting go and turning over trust and control to a higher power of our understanding. This Step is part of the spiritual transformation that leads to growth and enables us to change our behaviors and outlook on life.

As we move through the Steps, we find guidance on making changes, facing our facts, identifying our character defects, and humbly praying to have them removed.

Steps Six and Seven describe the ways our Higher Power can remove our character defects and shortcomings. Sometimes, we are confronted by a particularly tough character defect. Self-will exerts itself, and we reject all suggestions to take contrary action. Removing the defect is not just exercising self-discipline or self-control, which often did not work in the past. We can pray, asking our Higher Power to help us let go of our desire to hold onto that defect.

By letting go of our hesitation to surrender, we can replace our learned impulses with positive actions. By doing so, we begin to change. Allowing our character defects to be removed makes us feel “right-sized” — neither better nor worse than our fellows.

We may experience freedom and a sense of lightness as we let go of our character defects.

Friday, April 26th

Feeling Accepted

I wanted to flee my first meeting, but I felt surrounded and conspicuous.

At our first meeting, many of us felt as if everyone else was staring at us, probably judging us as defective — the same way we might have thought about ourselves. Surely, nobody else in the room had committed as many shameful acts as we had. We feared we might be ignored or ridiculed by others. Some of us have felt “terminally unique” until the day we heard someone else tell “our” story and recognized that we do indeed have things in common with other SCA members.

If we want to make progress, we learn to reach out to others who share our disease. We develop the courage and trust to ask other members for help and support. We may be surprised at the support we get by showing our vulnerability. We see that others have taken the actions we fear, and they survive and even thrive. Their testimony provides evidence that trusting in a Higher Power works.

By sharing our stories and listening to others, we begin to feel accepted in this fellowship.

Instead of being shunned, I was welcomed and encouraged to “Keep coming back.” 

“The father of sexual addiction research” widely known and widely respected, is interviewed in this eye opening and enlightening  video.