Tuesday, May 19th

I am no longer floating on a pink cloud. I have hit a wall.

As we continue the process of SCA recovery, sometimes our lives may initially seem to be getting worse, not better. Even if we are abstaining from sexually compulsive behaviors, other addictive behaviors may sprout up in their place. It can feel uncomfortable to let go of old thoughts and activities before establishing new, healthier ones.

“I was attending meetings but was struggling to stay off my bottom-line behaviors. Was this how it would be for the rest of my life?”

We can open ourselves to accept that recovery follows our Higher Power’s schedule, not our own. We share at meetings about how we are feeling and what we are experiencing. We reach out to other members and ask for help and support. We may be surprised at the support we get by showing our vulnerability. We use the Tools and work the Steps with the help of a sponsor and other members. Gradually, we learn to trust in our Higher Power and become connected with our community.

The entire spiritual process of recovery allows us to be open to change.

We will stop using sexual compulsion as our Higher Power and discover a new way of living. 

Monday, May 18th

In trying to “fix” my partner’s addiction, I spiraled into my own.

Many sexual compulsives have struggled with issues of co-dependency in relationships. Plagued by feelings of shame and low self-esteem, some of us have enabled irresponsible behaviors in a partner or family member with addictions or mental health issues.

We may have tried to help a partner in the spirit of compassion and self-sacrifice, but our efforts never seemed enough from their point of view. We might have redoubled our efforts, but we often encountered frustrations and humiliations, reinforcing our negative self-judgments.

Some of us sought relief from these powerful emotions by having sex outside our relationship. We may have tried to hide our activities from our partner but feared exposure. We feared further humiliation from being caught, but we also feared losing our domestic arrangements, rupturing our finances, and giving up the physical connection. We had forged the chains that made us miserable, but we didn’t know how to let go.

Working our recovery can help us realize that we do have choices. We learn the importance of self-care and establishing boundaries with others. We practice intimacy skills while remaining secure in our right to be ourselves, independent of others’ control. We develop patience and trust in our healing process.

Letting go and letting God can lighten our burdens.