Thursday, February 19th

Sometimes, we would rather sit in today’s pain than take a chance at change.

Many of us used sex to escape feelings of low self-worth. We felt powerless to face our character defects, which would require being honest with ourselves, and chose instead to seek refuge through our compulsive behaviors.

In recovery, we realize that our character defects have burdened us. Eventually, we reach the point of becoming entirely ready for our Higher Power to remove those defects.

We do not have the power to remove any particular defect — our Higher Power does. But we do have the ability to try practicing the opposite of that character defect. If we want HP to take away our dishonesty, we can try to be honest. Our habits change over time.

When our character defects are removed, we feel “right-sized” — neither better nor worse than anyone else. We begin to see the miracle of transforming our shortcomings into character assets, which we can use to serve others.

“It gradually dawned on me that I could never experience the benefits of recovery unless I took action. As a result, I feel better about myself and behave better. I find that positive attitudes and behaviors tend to reinforce each other.”

 Our character defects are wounds to be healed, not something innate. 

Wednesday, February 18th

My relationship attempts were all about trying to impress others.

“I have low self-esteem: I am healing from a sense of being somehow defective and feeling that nobody could love me.”

In active addiction, we had little understanding of what it took to sustain a relationship based on honest and open communication, affectionate closeness, and seeing the other as a real person, not an object of our fantasy. No matter how much we wanted to be intimate with another person, our defenses made us wary and withholding. One of our most negative traits was the feeling that we were unlovable. We often carried this into new relationships.

When we begin to recover, we are amazed to find new levels of emotion. Slowly, we learn to recognize, trust, and express genuine feelings. We begin to experience our feelings fully without the compelling, urgent need to escape from them. We learn to separate fantasy from reality in life and intimate relationships. We develop healthy boundaries with others and practice intimacy while remaining secure in our right to be ourselves, independent of others’ control.

“Once we started dating, the prospect of spending our lives together seemed so natural. There is no more co-dependency or deception, just pure honesty, respect, and love.”

Our lives will gain new meaning, whether we are in a relationship or out of one.