July 24th Meditation: Restoring Self-esteem

Wednesday, July 24th

After every sexual encounter, I felt shame and hated myself for acting out again.

Many of us engaged in compulsive sex to fill a void left by the absence of personal self-esteem and connection. For some, our sexual acting out provided a short-term reprieve from our low self-worth by allowing us to feel powerful. We may have tried to recapture that feeling by objectifying ourselves to attract others. We sought the momentary excitement and validation we thought we needed to temporarily escape our deep-rooted sense of unworthiness.

“I got a high from the feeling that I was desirable to others. It quickly faded when the sex was over.”

In recovery, we can look objectively at our compulsion and detect the patterns of harm and negative thinking that can drive us deeper into that void.

We may choose to turn inward, restoring a healthy relationship with ourselves through the spiritual nourishment we find in the Steps. We can also turn outward by asking for help and by helping others. We develop compassion and a sense of community, gradually losing our instinct to self-isolate as we share honestly with other people. To build self-esteem, we more readily take esteemable actions.

We replace the demeaning voices in our heads with messages of approval and self-assurance.

July 23rd Meditation: Finding a Sponsor

Tuesday, July 23rd

When we accept Step One, asking for help from another becomes easier.

In our compulsion, many of us sought isolation and secrecy around our behaviors. We tended to feel self-reliant, saying to ourselves, “I got myself into this mess; I should be able to get myself out of it.” We often judged ourselves harshly, reinforcing our feelings of shame and low self-esteem. Such judgments seldom led to positive action.

In recovery, we admit our powerlessness and unmanageability about sexual compulsion. We recognize that a power greater than ourselves can restore us to sanity, and we learn to accept and place trust in a Higher Power of our choosing. During this process, we may find the courage to acknowledge our needs: to ask for and accept help from others and our Higher Power.

Working with a sponsor is part of this process. Sponsors may honestly share their experience, strength, and hope with us, as we honestly share our stories and problems with them. They can help us work the Steps and provide emotional support during difficult times. We find a sponsor when we ask for help.

Asking someone to sponsor us is an act of faith, trusting in spiritual change. 

Legal Outreach

The following is a sample letter that SCA Los Angeles uses to let the local legal system know about our program.  Please help the addict who still suffers by doing some “Outreach” in your area:

May 2024
To Whom It May Concern:
Sexual Compulsives Anonymous (SCA) is a 12-step program adapted from the 12 Steps of
Alcoholics Anonymous (AA). SCA has had a relationship with the court systems in Los Angeles
and Orange Counties since SCA’s founding more than forty-five years ago. Our program and
meetings are like those of AA. We are not professionals or educators. We do not offer classes.
We are an anonymous fellowship comprised of members who volunteer their time as trusted
servants to lead 12-step meetings and perform other service work without compensation to keep
SCA operating.
Our 12-step program of recovery offers an opportunity to change for those who identify as
sexually compulsive, as well as those sent to SCA meetings via the courts. We are not group
therapy nor an organization led by licensed professionals specializing in sexual addiction or
compulsion or trauma from cases of sexual abuse.
The only service we provide to members who have been sent by the courts is attendance
verification. In keeping with our 12 Traditions, which govern the structure of SCA, and in
particular the anonymous nature of our program, SCA does not provide any reporting beyond
attendance verification. For example, we do not provide official letters of progress, participation,
or similar reports. Participation during meetings by all attendees is encouraged. However,
participation can come in many forms. For some, participating means simply attending a
meeting, either in person or via Zoom. For others, it may include sharing, being of service, or
some combination of these items.
Pursuant to our 12 Traditions, each of our meetings is autonomous, deciding whether and how
it provides attendance verification. For our in-person meetings, we generally provide a signature
on a piece of paper, often called a “court card,” with the name and date of the meeting attended.
For our Zoom meetings, we may provide another form of verification, such as an email or
electronic signature on a PDF court card. It is the responsibility of each attendee seeking
verification to track his, her, or their attendance. In furtherance of our principle of anonymity,
we do not maintain membership lists or track attendance for any attendee.
At the end of the day, our hope for those sent by the courts is that they have positive experiences
that free them from sexually compulsive behavior. If you have any questions about an attendee’s
participation or progress, it is best to ask the individuals themselves about what they learned or
gained from attending SCA meetings. We would be disappointed to learn that someone sent to
our meetings was punished because our program, given its nature, does not provide progress
reports or certificates of participation.
If you have any further questions, you can call us at 323-570-2659 or email us at
court@scalosangeles.org.

for pdf version: Court letter 2024

Two or More local or regional SCA meetings can have an Intergroup

Each meeting should elect and send a representative to the regularly scheduled Intergroup meeting  (the third Saturday of each month for the Los Angeles SCA Inergroup). If your meeting does not have a representative, this is a great opportunity to step up and be of service.  Add your voice to the discussion and carry the message back to your individual meetings.  Questions about intergroups can be sent to intergroup@scalosangeles.org