Monday, January 19th

More exciting for me than the physical sensation of sex was the feeling of being desired. 

For most of us, our compulsive behavior served to numb us from feelings of shame and low self-esteem. Emotional scars from our upbringing compounded feelings of unworthiness, and we sought to fill the void where our self-esteem should have been.

Some of us engaged in empty, meaningless sex that reinforced our core belief about ourselves as undeserving of love and respect or as a substitute for real intimacy. We tried hard to be attractive to strangers, spending considerable time, energy, and money trying to make ourselves look desirable. We often abandoned our sense of self and objectified ourselves, ceding all power to others.

The validation we received from being sexually desired allowed us to feel we had actual worth, however briefly. Sex gave us a temporary euphoria, a false sense of satisfaction.

Working our recovery opens us to accepting change. It is finding what works for us, asking for what we need, and accepting who we are.

With the help of our Higher Power, we will be relaxed enough to connect with others authentically rather than come across as desperate and needy.

We will lose our fear of other people and our fear of our sexuality. 

Sunday, January 18th

I sometimes worry that it is too late to unblock my creativity. Of course, these thoughts aren’t true. 

As our recovery progressed, we realized there were dreams we had abandoned when we were preoccupied with our sexual compulsion. We recalled things we had always wanted to do but never got around to doing because we spent so much time or money (or both) on compulsive sex.

“Staying sober on my plan seems boring. What do I do with all my free time?”

Constructing our Sexual Recovery Plan invites us to replace old sexually compulsive behaviors with new activities, people, and places. These are vital elements of our lives that we neglected or never sought in our addictive past. Gradually, we can add more and more positive sexual and non-sexual activities. For most SCA members, the Sexual Recovery Plan continually deepens and evolves.

We try to be realistic by adding items that we are willing to do and are enjoyable, not things we think we “should” do. We might measure our sexual sobriety by the goals we set for ourselves and our positive actions. When we have difficulty abstaining from acting out, we can find strength in taking those positive actions.

Attending my first SCA meeting, I gained new insight into using creativity as a tool.