April 30th

The Fifth Step

For years, I felt defective but didn’t dare to be honest with myself.

Taking a “fearless and moral inventory” in our work on Step Four may help us recognize some of our undesirable behavior patterns.

Facing the prospect of admitting “the exact nature of our wrongs” in Step Five might arouse fear and shame and trigger us to act out compulsively. These feelings can lead to negative self-judgment. We may anticipate that others might harshly judge or ridicule us.

“Listing my resentments, fears, and sexual history was hard enough. I kept putting off revealing them to my sponsor.”

The solidity of our third Step helps us trust the process, even if we fear its outcome. We do not need to take any part of our SCA journey alone. The process of admitting our wrongs to someone else — even to ourselves — begins to unburden us from the wreckage of our past.

When we honestly admit to our Higher Power, ourselves, and another person the exact nature of our wrongs, we begin to develop humility, honesty, and integrity. When we complete Step Five, we feel spiritually lighter and can focus on those character traits that may be holding us back from further growth.

Working the fifth Step may make us feel uncomfortable, but doing so can help lighten our burdens.

April 29th

Terminally Unique

I thought people would shun me at my first meeting. Then I heard someone share a story similar to mine.

Terminal uniqueness is the false belief that we are completely different from everyone else in recovery and that our problems are beyond fixing. This form of grandiosity keeps us isolated and impedes our recovery.

Many of us have felt this way, at least to some degree. Still, as we attended meetings and listened to others, we began to relate. We realized many of us had either done the exact same things or at least thought about doing them.

“Reading the Characteristics cinched it for me. They were like an outline for my biography. Soon, I was attending a meeting every night.”

Talking about our troubles and telling our stories lift the shame and guilt and help us to be honest with ourselves. We can also listen to others’ shares at meetings. The support and love we receive at meetings is a significant and effective way to break our shame cycle. Reading recovery literature can open the eyes of even those sexual compulsives who cling to their “terminal uniqueness” to reject the SCA program.

I am grateful to SCA members who listened and replied, “Keep coming back!”

Other members’ experience, strength, and hope may encourage us to find our path.