Monday, June 15th

Ours was a highly sexualized household with blurred or non-existent boundaries. 

Discovering how we wanted to express our sexuality and setting boundaries was an essential part of growing up. We tried coping with the daily struggles and emotional turbulence within our families of origin. We may have learned conflicting lessons about establishing boundaries and values, and carried this confusion into our active sexual compulsion. If we could not set healthy limits as children, we often had difficulty setting them as adults.

While acting out, we may have shielded ourselves from the reality of what we were doing so that even during our most compulsive episodes, we inwardly felt untouched. However, our anxiety and shame intensified with our increasing demand for sex. This led us to violate our boundaries and values and those of others.

“As my acting out progressed, I stepped over line after line, and my integrity and moral condition deteriorated as a result.”

In working our recovery, we might set specific limits as part of our Sexual Recovery Plan. We share our stories at meetings and with sponsors, exchange contact information, and begin to connect with others. We learn to focus on our personal growth and develop goals and boundaries for living in recovery.

My sexuality relates to my spiritual growth.

Sunday, June 14th

The more we pursued the high of escape and oblivion, the more it evaded us.

For most of us, our compulsive sexual behavior and its numbing qualities shielded us from feelings of shame and low self-esteem. Sex became our drug of choice, and like many other drugs, it was highly habit-forming. The more we got, the more we wanted, putting us on a seemingly endless quest for the next “fix.”

We desperately tried to evade our emotions, which often intensified the need to act out our compulsions.

“Whenever I felt lost in my own head, my inner voice told me to drop everything and have more sex.”

In recovery, prayer and meditation can be valuable tools to help us realize spiritual growth. Placing trust in our Higher Power, we learn to let go of our compulsion and open ourselves to behavioral changes. “Let go” is not the same as “drop everything.” The first implies trust; the second shouts compulsion — that we cannot help ourselves.

Prayer and meditation can align us with our Higher Power’s will, giving us the ability to take the next right action. These tools strengthen our spirituality and nourish our recovery.

We may find that we no longer see ourselves as victims of uncontrollable events but rather as recipients of gifts from our Higher Power.