May 16th Meditation: Seeking Connection

Monday, May 16th

With every failed date, I plunged deeper into dangerous and desperate public sex with strangers.

Loneliness and the search for connection are common themes for most sexual compulsives. Many of us shied away from friendships or relationships altogether because contact with our peers threatened us. We were sure that others could see our lack of value. We discovered power and pleasure in manipulative seduction, sexual prowess, and a growing list of conquests in our search for esteem.

“I was trying not to think about my problems while desperately trying to find a connection, anything that could distract me.”

As our acting out behaviors increased and intensified, they made our sense of isolation and loneliness more acute and painful. Yet, the more physical contact we had, the less connected to others we felt.

Many of us repeatedly sought healthy relationships but lacked the emotional courage to be open about ourselves. We believed our self-worth depended on our ability to please others sexually.

Attending meetings and listening to others’ experiences may help us become more comfortable with our sexuality and find ways to express it appropriately. Socializing breaks down the sense of loneliness and isolation in which our compulsion thrives. We make friends and develop trust with our fellows.

We can build new lives based on reality rather than fantasies.


May 15th Meditation: Fantasy and numbness

Sunday, May 15th

The characteristics spoke of fantasy and masturbation issues and the need to seek oblivion. I related to those.

Many of us used compulsive masturbation, casual sex, anonymous sex, and other activities to avoid feelings. These behaviors provided the means to escape from reality into a fantasy world. We often remember times in our past when sex and fantasy brought us excitement. Some experienced euphoric recall of past sexual exploits.

We may have found ourselves in a deepening downward spiral of compulsivity and illusion. Sex and fantasy were our anesthetics, numbing our pain and sheltering us from the realities we didn’t want to face. The worst realization was that our increased sexual acting out no longer stopped our pain but instead added more pain. We needed to find a new source of spiritual energy to rejuvenate our lives.

Working and practicing the Steps and the tools helps us manage our compulsive behavior, leading us towards a more sober life. Gradually, our lives improve as we continue to embrace recovery as a new way of living. We learn to separate fantasy from reality in life and intimate relationships. We develop healthy boundaries with others. We remember to be gentle and kind to ourselves and learn how to live among our fellows.

I have accepted reality, which is much more fulfilling than fantasy.


Summary of SCA’s ISO 2022 Conference

Summary Report on the ISO 2022 Conference

The International Service Organization of Sexual Compulsives Anonymous held its annual conference this past weekend: April 29 – May 1, 2022.

Listed below are some of the conference’s highlights, which took place on Zoom.

Delegates representing 82 meetings attended the conference. Several members of SCA Japan (9 meetings) joined us Friday night and made a full report of SCA Japan’s activities. We also heard from most domestic US/Canada meetings and some scattered international meetings.

Recovery book sales (print & e-book)

Since the ISO released the new Recovery Book (print version) on November 17, 2021, sales have been brisk and steady. Through March 31, 2022, the ISO has sold 243 copies of the print edition and 101 copies of it in E-Book form.

Decisions made and Actions taken

  • The delegates agreed to amend the ISO Shipping, Handling and Merchandising policy to reflect the change to single destination shipping charges made in 2014 and eliminate sections about practices no longer applicable.
  • The delegates approved a motion to fund the effort to obtain copyrights for updated chapters in the Recovery Book (2nd editions) by acquiring Copyright assistance software.
  • The delegates approved two (2) motions regarding re-printing the yellow 4-fold. The first was to allocate money to re-print 10,000 copies with the updated language approved in 2021; the second stipulated that 1,000 copies be distributed without charge to groups to encourage replacing the old version.
  • We considered two new pieces of literature: an SCA Step Workbook and a book of Daily SCA Meditations. We referred both these documents to the Literature Development committee for further revisions.
  • The ISO Literature Development Coordinator—Tony D.—asks all SCA members to consider doing service by volunteering to join sub-committees now being formed to work on these pieces.
  • We also voted to form an ad-hoc committee to consider the feasibility of producing an audio version of our new SCA Recovery Book. Again, we are looking for members to help with this project.

 New ISO officers

In keeping with our rotation of service policy, half of the ISO Executive Committee positions were up for election.

  • Inreach Committee: Tony D. (NY) was elected Inreach Chair, succeeding Gary S. (LA) for a two-year term.
  • Fiduciary Committee: Due to a last-minute change, we could not elect a new Fiduciary Chair to succeed David N. (NY), who has completed his (maximum) two consecutive two-year terms. David has agreed to stay as a “caretaker” on an interim basis (without voting rights) until we find a volunteer to replace him. Please consider helping us with this essential and valuable service.
  • Director-at-Large: Gordon B. (NY) was elected, succeeding Laura R. (LA), who served one two-year term.