Category: 12 Steps

The Problem of Porn Addiction

To take the test, simply answer yes or no to each of the following questions.

  1. Do you ever feel overly distracted by, preoccupied with, or obsessed with pornography?
  2. When you start to use pornography, do you sometimes have trouble stopping, consistently looking at it for longer periods than intended?
  3. Do you ever use porn as a way to avoid stress, anxiety, loneliness, boredom, or other forms of emotional discomfort?
  4. After you use porn, do you sometimes regret it or feel depressed?
  5. Have you ever promised yourself or another person that you would stop using porn, only to break that promise later?
  6. Do you ever look forward to events with family/friends ending so you can look at porn?
  7. Have you ever kept secrets about or lied about your porn use?
  8. Have you ever experienced negative consequences related to your porn use, such as relationship trouble, social/emotional isolation, issues at work/school, etc.?
  9. Does your porn use potentially offend others, violate community standards, or place you in danger of arrest?
  10. Do you feel restless, irritable, or discontent when you are unable to use porn?

A ‘yes’ response to three or more of the ten questions listed above indicates that porn addiction may be an issue.

For a long time people with porn-related issues were thought to have a history of early-life trauma. Recently, however there is a new and rapidly growing subcategory of people struggling with pornography. These individuals meet the basic criteria used to identify addiction but lack the underlying early-life trauma that typically drives addictive behavior. Rather than qualifying as traditional trauma-driven porn addicts, it appears these non-trauma-driven individuals have developed a “conditioned” addiction to pornography.

Typically, conditioned porn addicts start viewing porn at a young age, often before puberty hits. And then they fail to move beyond this easily accessed sexual outlet. For these individuals, porn serves as both sex education and sexual fulfillment. The unfortunate result of this is that the user’s emotional and psychological development in terms of sexuality and relationships can be stunted – beginning and ending with what they learn from porn. As such, their ability to form and maintain meaningful real-world romantic and sexual attachments may not develop or may not fully develop in the usual ways.

Initial treatment for conditioned porn addicts mirrors treatment for traditional addicts. In other words, early work is focused on stopping addictive behavior, breaking through denial, managing the crisis or crises that precipitated treatment, and developing tactics to combat triggers and relapse. At that point, because conditioned porn addiction is not driven by trauma, the treatment approach diverges. Rather than working to resolve early-life trauma, treatment transitions toward social development – learning how to develop and maintain real-world romantic and sexual connections. Admittedly, not all conditioned porn addicts are entirely bereft when it comes to real-world relationships. In fact, some are quite adept socially. But the majority need to be walked through the adolescent and early adult stages of social development to some degree, and that, rather than trauma resolution, is the second-level treatment focus for this population.

In SCA we not only learn how to stop the addictive behaviors but also how to grow spiritually to live a more fulfilling life.

Hitting Bottom?

There’s a common belief in addiction recovery that keeps people stuck longer than they need to be: the idea that you have to hit “rock bottom” before things can change. It sounds convincing—but it’s not true.

Waiting for things to fall apart often leads to more loss, more disconnection, and more pain. It can quietly reinforce the idea that help is only justified after irreparable damage is done. In reality, recovery doesn’t begin at rock bottom. It begins with awareness.

That moment might look like:

  • Realizing you can’t stop, even when you’ve tried
  • Noticing patterns you’ve seen before starting to repeat
  • Experiencing a rupture in your relationship
  • Or simply recognizing something doesn’t feel right anymore

It doesn’t have to be catastrophic to matter. You don’t need to lose your family, your career, or your sense of self to take this seriously. In many cases, choosing to seek support early reflects clarity, insight, and a willingness to do something different.

Awareness of Addiction can raise your “Bottom” and help you to change direction before things escalate.

“Porn-I can stop whenever I want”

Did your use of porn start with the belief: “It’s no big deal, everyone does it. I can stop whenever I want.” But over time you noticed the patterns deepening and attempts to reduce usage fall by the wayside. Guilt and shame may prevent you from even addressing the issue.

Porn usage is usually done in private and is available around the clock. You my start to find yourself planning your day around it. Staying up later than you want to. Having one slip after another. None of this means you are weak. It means you are trying to manage this burden on your own.  At SCA you can find that you are not alone and it’s about not having to navigate everything by yourself. It’s a place where you can take your time and understand what is driving the behavior, but more important it’s a place where you can start building healthier patterns.

Sexual Sobriety

Various definitions

Many people who come to this website are struggling with some aspect of sexual behavior that could be called addictive, compulsive, obsessive, dependent, or otherwise out-of-control (all various ways of saying basically the same thing, which is that a person is powerless over some aspect of his or her sexual behavior and that his or her life has become unmanageable).

Sexual Sobriety Definitions Vary

The definition of what constitutes sexual “sobriety” is not the same among the five different fellowships.  Knowing these differences can be helpful in deciding which fellowship best suits the individual needs of each person seeking sexual recovery. There are at least five different 12-Step fellowships that address a person’s sexual behavior.  They are all based on the original 12-step fellowship, Alcoholics Anonymous (AA).  From the time of its founding in the 1930’s. A.A. has been so successful in helping people recover from alcohol dependence that its format has been adapted to many other behaviors.  Several different fellowships for achieving sexual sobriety originated in different parts of the country within a few years of each other.

SCA states that: “Members are encouraged to develop their own sexual recovery plan, and to define sexual sobriety for themselves. We are not here to repress our God-given sexuality, but to learn how to express it in ways that will not make unreasonable demands on our time and energy, place us in legal jeopardy — or endanger our mental, physical or spiritual health.”

Although the SCA fellowship originally sought to address issues of sexual compulsion among gay and bisexual men, it has always been open to all sexual genders and orientations, and there is an increasing number of women and heterosexual men participating.

(posted from the SCA Atlanta’s website: https://atlantasexaddicts.com/gasca)

 

SCA Toronto Celebrates 25 Years

October 1, 2025 marked the twenty-fifth anniversary of SCA meetings in Toronto.

The Toronto group has decided to celebrate this occasion by going out for dinner and having a cake for dessert after their regular 6:30 p.m. meeting on Friday, November 7, 2025.

Anyone who has attended an SCA meeting in Toronto in the past is welcome to join this celebration. Please RSVP by October 31st at  scatoronto@hotmail.com  if you plan to attend. We hope to see as many members as possible there!

To mark this occasion, the group will also be publishing an updated summary history of SCA’s presence in Toronto, expanding on the original version that was submitted to ISO and published on the SCAnner in October, 2015.

Happy Anniversary Toronto!