Wednesday, October 21st
I started having riskier sex — anything to fill the growing void in my life.
As sexual compulsives, many of us felt inadequate and that our lives were empty and incomplete. Our acting-out behaviors often numbed us from feelings of shame and low self-esteem, but this relief seldom lasted.
Some of us sought ways to elevate the high we always expected through sex but only sometimes achieved. We may have tried to escape the void we felt by engaging in riskier or more harmful activities. These might have included fetishes, which raised our anticipation and excitement.
We began to eroticize behaviors that we had once thought were illicit, taboo, and shameful. Isolated though we were, we became more and more needful of others. When we did not have an audience, we hardly seemed to exist.
Attending meetings, working the Steps, and using the Tools may help us improve our self-esteem and self-respect. Gradually, we lose the need to find false comfort and release in acts that had often tormented and humiliated us. We can develop compassion for ourselves and honestly relate to others. Instead of seeking attention, we expand our lives through connection.
My self-esteem enables me to let go of neediness and shame.