Thursday, June 1st

I randomly went to SCA meetings for a while but always arrived late and left early.

At some point, we may become complacent in our recovery and decide to “coast.” We might put off doing step work. Or we might cut back on using other tools, such as attending meetings, calling other members, and doing service. We may believe we are taking care of ourselves by going home early and skipping a meeting — then find ourselves online looking for compulsive sex.

“I was stressed from having to call my sponsor every week. I took a break but ended up bingeing on porn.”

We can choose self-care by regularly working on our SCA recovery and staying connected with our Higher Power and other recovering sexual compulsives. We remember that each seemingly minor decision we make can either bring us closer to sexual sobriety or closer to a slip.

We can drag ourselves to a meeting, even if we do not want to — especially if we do not want to. We can focus on simple things, such as recalling a slogan or reciting the Serenity Prayer. We might take on a service position, work on our creativity, or pursue a new career.

My recent slip was a wake-up call. Doing the work provides the self-care I need.

Wednesday, May 31st

My heart aches with longing, wanting so badly to connect, but realizing that the desperate quality of my need can ironically push others away.

In our compulsion, we were often hyper-alert to the possibility of having sex. Many of us frequently stared at people within our physical or virtual surroundings. If we saw someone we were attracted to, we might have felt a sudden longing that was both painful and exciting.

We may have been captivated. We may have objectified them, putting them on an imaginary pedestal while feeling a sense of exhilaration. If we had a chance to spend time with them, our fantasies intensified.

Unable to break out of this cycle, we found ourselves continuing to pursue unavailable people. We slipped into a downward spiral of compulsivity and illusion, and we didn’t know how to fulfill our need for these idealized connections.

As we work our recovery, we begin to experience changes that enable us to let go of feelings of desperation and low self-worth. Our lives become more than the compelling need for the next sexual encounter, fix of validation, or the distraction of a new obsession.

We learn to follow the “three-second rule,” allowing ourselves three seconds to appreciate the person we see, then turn our attention to the next right thought or action.

We will stop pursuing those who are unavailable to us or who would reject or abuse us.