November 4th Meditation: On Boundaries and Crosstalk

Monday, November 4th

I felt humiliated when another member offered me advice during his share. 

SCA meetings are where members should feel free to openly share their experience, strength, and hope about sexual compulsion and recovery without fear of being shamed or judged. The support and love in this fellowship can help us break the cycle of low self-esteem, resentment, and shame while promoting healing. We tell our stories honestly at meetings and in other gatherings, such as Step writing groups.

Some of us struggle with boundaries and limits while in recovery. We may feel isolated or otherwise uncomfortable at a meeting. Perhaps someone’s share lights a spark of resentment or revives a feeling of grandiosity: a sense that we know what is “wrong” with that person. These feelings may drive us to “crosstalk.”

There are various ways to define or identify crosstalk. Most groups agree that interrupting someone’s share, offering advice, or commenting on their share violates the generally accepted boundaries. Other examples might include naming a member, making physical or facial reactions (especially on camera), eating, or otherwise being disruptive.

In recovery, we learn to show compassion for ourselves and respect others. SCA is a “we” program: creating discord at meetings impedes group and individual recovery.

Recovery is a shared experience. We gain strength from our fellow members. 

November 3rd Meditation: Humility as Trust

Sunday, November 3rd

I often confused humility with shame and punishment.

Many of us entered recovery carrying burdens of past humiliations and feelings of shame. For some, our shame might have evolved into self-loathing. We may have perceived that other people dismissed us as unworthy, which reinforced our desire to escape through sexual acting out.

We often associated the term “humility” with humiliation, believing we were “less than.” Some of us believed that we needed to be shamefaced in dealing with others and to ask for mercy for our general unworthiness.

Step Seven says “Humbly asked God to remove our shortcomings.” Still, we might question how our asking will lead to any real changes.

We can think of humility simply as accepting that we do not have all the answers and cannot control the outcome. We may learn to accept and trust a Higher Power as we define it. If we are willing, we turn our will and our lives over to that power and ask for guidance.

Humility is being fully prepared to accept the “how, why, and where” of what happens. By placing that trust, we can humbly ask our Higher Power — working in us — to help us take our next right actions.

In letting go, we discover a spirituality that works. 

SCA Daily Meditations e-book now available

Our Journey of Recovery: SCA Daily Meditations is now available in e-book format through Amazon Kindle, Apple Books, and Google Books for $7.99. We will continue to post today’s (and tomorrow’s) meditation for free on our website each day. However, e-book users can click the “List of Titles” (an index) on each page to choose any topic or issue mentioned in any part of the book and instantly click the relevant texts. A slogan index is also linked to those texts. SCA plans to produce a print version of this book later this summer. Here are the links to the three e-book platforms.

Apple

https://books.apple.com/us/book/our-journey-of-recovery/id6503449662

Amazon

https://www.amazon.com/gp/product/B0D5N3ZFNY/ref=kinw_myk_ro_title

Google

https://play.google.com/books/reader?id=Tw4LEQAAQBAJ&pg=GBS.PT1