Sept. 23rd Meditation: Triggered in the Rooms

Saturday, September 23rd

I stopped going to one meeting because I felt distracted by some of its members.

As recovering sexual compulsives, we may become attracted to other SCA members. This attraction may seem natural, but what can we do with those feelings?

Having sex with another member can derail our recovery by distracting us from our primary purpose. We may feel drawn to someone we see at a meeting. Perhaps they remind us of someone we knew or ourselves at a younger age. We might begin to fantasize about them. Such fantasies can be short-lasting, but they may become an obsession.

A fantasy that gets into our heads can eventually trigger a slip, either with that person or with someone else. Slips can add to our shame and might make us want to avoid meetings altogether so as not to feel humiliated in sharing what happened.

One way to break that cycle is to start a sober conversation with the person in question. Making their acquaintance helps us remove the mystique we created around them. To us, they can become another member working their recovery.

By using some of the tools, such as sharing honestly with our sponsor or other members, we may avoid complicating our lives and jeopardizing our recovery.

 I heal through real connection, not fantasy and obsession.


Sept. 22nd Meditation: Postponing Sobriety

Friday, September 22nd

I keep telling myself I will work on my sobriety tomorrow. Then tomorrow arrives, and I think, maybe later, sometime.

In our active sexual compulsion, many of us were easily distracted from just about everything except the possibility of having more sex. Work or school projects, relationships, family, and friends could all be swept aside by our need to act out.

We may struggle in early recovery. Going to meetings and working our program can present new challenges that may seem dull, confusing, or frightening. Some of us may drift toward familiar tactics such as avoiding commitments, self-isolating, or postponing self-care. In doing so, we delay becoming honest with ourselves.

Without honesty, we remain in denial. Denial tells us that our lives are manageable and that our sexuality is under control. We want to find relief from our compulsive behaviors, but we feel uneasy about the time and energy we might have to spend working to achieve sobriety. Instead, we drift through periods of compulsion and withdrawal, holding onto our fears, shame, and resentments.

Healing can begin when we acknowledge our powerlessness and unmanageability. We share our stories in meetings, on the phone, and with others in the program. Compulsion thrives in secrecy, so we take action to break that cycle.

Recovery works if we work it.