Tuesday, January 31st

He blamed his addiction on my sexual infidelities. I sought refuge in unsafe sex. 

Many of us thought of a relationship as the ultimate goal in our search for meaningful expression of love, affection, and sexuality. We may have felt a powerful attraction to people who were inappropriate in one way or another. If we saw their character flaws, we ignored them. We may have been initially comfortable with our choices since we felt defective and should settle for whatever we could get.

Our need to hold onto a relationship sometimes forced us to compromise our values to satisfy the other person’s demands. We often felt humiliated by ignoring our boundaries, but we did not know how to stop. The strains caused by these conflicts made any semblance of intimacy unsustainable. Our codependency began to consume us; we felt trapped, but we were afraid to let go of what little we had.

“It seemed as if there was no way out, no hope at all.”

Working the Steps and using other recovery tools provide clarity about our situation. Learning to let go of lying to and about ourselves offers the opportunity to make lasting changes.

We develop healthy boundaries with others and learn intimacy skills, maintaining our right to be ourselves.

Letting go and taking the right actions have given me back my life.

Monday, January 30th

After every sexual encounter, I always felt the same dark shame. It was one demoralizing experience after another.

As sexual compulsives, we live almost continually with shame but are often unaware of it. We can act out repeatedly on this secret, pervasive shame without realizing it is even there.

If we felt shame after our compulsive sexual activities, the only remedy seemed to be more sex. We felt more and more shame until we reached the point where we desperately and urgently needed the relief that sex provided.

Talking about our problem and acknowledging the shame reduces its impact. It interrupts the addictive cycle and keeps us on the road of recovery.

As we gain acceptance and trust in ourselves, we begin to find release from shame. We learn to replace the old demeaning voices in our heads with positive, affirming messages.

“I better understand my behaviors and have begun to accept responsibility for past misdeeds while being relieved of most of the destructive burden of shame.”

The recovery process opens us up to be stronger advocates for ourselves and gives us compassion for others. That sense of being alone in the world, of being unlovable, starts to fade.

Today, my life is filled with promise. Working the program has helped to raise my self-esteem.