Mar. 5th Meditation: A Higher Power of My Understanding

Tuesday, March 5th

I realized that I alone could not restore myself to sanity.

Our sexually compulsive behaviors and habitual self-reliance tended to push us away from having a spiritual life. The experience of being driven by a lower power is, for most sexual compulsives, all too familiar. Yet, the idea of a Higher Power guiding our lives may seem strange and threatening to our desire to maintain “control.”

The term “Higher Power” mentioned in the Steps is a power greater than ourselves. For some, this might evoke an image of God. This Higher Power may equate to a traditional understanding of God, an unconventional concept of God, or perhaps the group’s collective wisdom. Some program members focus on finding a Higher Power that has a positive attitude toward sex and sexuality. Each member is free to define a Higher Power that works for them.

The most significant notion to grasp is that we are not that Higher Power. Self-will is useless in the face of our compulsion.

We can use our Higher Power as the source of strength, wisdom, and acceptance, which empowers us with the freedom to make choices rather than rely on unhealthy and often dangerous sexual behavior.

I am learning to trust my Higher Power to help me take life-changing actions.


Mar. 4th Meditation: Willfulness vs Willingness

Monday, March 4th

I wasn’t willing to commit to SCA. I still wanted to try doing it my own way. 

Many of us attended our first SCA meeting while lost in denial. We could not even admit that we were powerless over sexual compulsion and that our lives had become unmanageable, let alone accept that we ought to abstain from certain behaviors. We were determined to maintain our wall of control while living in our bubble of denial.

Honesty begins to break that bubble. Admitting our powerlessness and unmanageability begins to open cracks in this wall that surrounds us. To help support this opening, we find a way to connect to the hope that our lives can be different.

We might think that there is no way we can break the power of our self-will. But once we build up some trust that the Higher Power of our understanding cares for us, we start taking actions to change our lives. We begin to develop new coping skills instead of falling back into the ways of our addiction.

I have taken back my life, and the promises of the program are coming true.