Tuesday, October 13th

The desire to act out still pops up from time to time, but I have Tools that work for me.

As sexual compulsives, many of us made demands on ourselves and others. Some of us carried these attitudes into other parts of our lives, including work, family, social, and relationship dynamics.

As we work our recovery, we may experience perfectionism and a sense of entitlement that can lead to anger, frustration, and resentment.

Recovery is seldom smooth: most of us encounter setbacks on our journey. Some of us experience an unexpected crisis or event that seems to turn our lives upside down, at least for the moment. We might then question the benefits of working our program.

The process of “letting go” helps us stay in the moment. If something bad happens, we do what we can to make it right. We express our resentments but do not dwell on them. Staying present does not insulate us from problems, but we use the Tools to help “right-size” our setbacks.

We can recite the slogan This too shall pass when encountering difficulties. Yet we remember that the slogan also applies when we experience good fortune. Whatever happens, we live one day at a time.

We become more present in our lives and connected to the wisdom within us.

Monday, October 12th

I finally realized that I felt unloved during childhood. 

Many of us associate shame with feelings of emptiness that can make us want to escape from ourselves. We may have experienced shame from childhood, perhaps from specific traumas or other feelings, including low self-esteem. We may have felt unworthy of being loved. These feelings added to our shame and magnified our fears.

Those fears made us afraid to admit the truth, especially to ourselves, and we hid from it to avoid the pain of those recollections. We often tried to bury our feelings by projecting a false image to the world, which only increased our separation from ourselves and others.

We lost the ability to imagine sex as healthy and affirming. Shame and sex were always linked in our minds. Yet if we look objectively at our compulsion, we find that what we desperately sought was not shame and degradation but an experience of wholeness, fulfillment, and joy — in fact, a spiritual experience.

In recovery, we may realize that we cannot change our childhood, but we can forgive those feelings of shame. Through self-compassion, we can stop trying to relive our past and learn to love ourselves instead.

My Higher Power wants me to love myself so that I can love others.