Friday, October 9th
Before my first meeting, I asked, “How can a group of other sexual compulsives possibly help me?”
Before recovery, we may have thought we were unforgivable or incomplete, with little or no value as human beings. Anxiety, fears, low self-esteem, resentment, shame, and the urge to escape these feelings might have driven us to act out our sexual compulsions. We felt intensely lonely and often left out, ignored, or excluded. Our internal dialogue told us that we were judged and found wanting.
Many of us hold on to such negative feelings in early recovery. They seem ingrained into our core being and our interactions with others. After negating ourselves for so long, it’s not easy to reverse the process.
Working the Steps and using other Tools of Recovery may give us some spiritual insight. We learn to develop trust in a Higher Power and trust in our group of recovering sexual compulsives.
Gradually, we may become aware that our feelings are shifting. When we let go of shame and low self-esteem, we can learn to be gentle with ourselves — to have compassion for ourselves and others. We transform our lives through actions such as attending meetings, where we share and listen to other members. We also grow by doing service and passing on what we have freely received to others.
Recovery gives me self-acceptance and the tools for living a more fulfilling life.