Thursday, October 8th
My life seemed empty and hopeless. I tried to escape this feeling through obsession and fantasy.
Many of us used sexual compulsion to escape negative thoughts and feelings. Some of us engaged in obsessive thinking or romantic obsessions. Others may have acted out fantasies with sex or used pornography.
In working our recovery, we learn that there is hope. The Steps ask us to acknowledge our powerlessness and the unmanageability of our lives. When we surrender our self-will to a Higher Power, we may begin to realize that recovery promotes healing. We talk about our addiction when we are in meetings, on the phone, or with another sexual compulsive. Compulsion thrives in secrecy; we take action to break through that wall of silence.
Recovery is seldom a straight line, and we may encounter setbacks. We may become discouraged, even disillusioned, by some disappointment or event. We may develop new resentments against others, against SCA, or against Twelve Step recovery. Acting out these resentments may lead to a slip; our shame or self-pity may turn that slip into a relapse.
If we fall out of line with our recovery plan, we can realign. We speak to our sponsor, share honestly at meetings, and keep coming back. We do not need to endlessly replay the slip to berate ourselves; we just take the necessary actions to stay sober today.
When I feel broken, I use my recovery tools.