Wednesday, July 15th

Humility is part of letting go.

Many of us thought of humility as humiliation, which we associated with shame, embarrassment, and a sense of low self-worth. Frequently, our deep-seated shame was a root cause of acting out our sexual compulsions, and this feeling could lead to perfectionism, grandiosity, or over-dependence on others.

As we work our recovery, we hear others share their experience, strength, and hope in meetings. Shares might include words or phrases such as “gratitude,” “Higher Power,” and “humility.”

Humility is a state of realizing that we are not in control and that we do not have all the answers. We may learn how turning our control over to our Higher Power can reduce the burdens of self-imposed strain and stress. We can do the work and trust our Higher Power by letting go of the results.

We learn to take actions that are contrary to our learned impulses. We humbly ask for help, knowing that by asking, we are breaking away from our former ties to compulsion and shame. When we honestly admit to ourselves the exact nature of our wrongs, we begin to develop humility, honesty, and integrity so that we can become the people we wish to be.

Through practicing humility, we become “right-sized” — neither grandiose nor self-deprecating. 

Tuesday, July 14th

One person was scowling at everyone. I wanted to leave, but I needed a meeting.

A meeting is a collection of individuals. We each bring our anxieties, fears, resentments, and shame into the rooms with us, which may influence how we perceive others.

We might feel ill at ease or even threatened by our perception of others’ behavior at a meeting. This unease may recall trauma from our past. We can remind ourselves that, however disruptive we think another person is, we are not responsible for their behavior. We don’t need to take the inventory of others, however tempting that might be.

Instead of finding fault with others, we try to recognize how their character defects may closely resemble our own. When we find ourselves criticizing some aspect of a meeting, we ask ourselves, “How important is it?”

Most of us find some sense of hope, community, or nourishment at a meeting. The slogan Take what you like and leave the rest works for many of us.

Welcoming others, regardless of differences, is a way toward accepting ourselves.