Tuesday, September 29th

I realized that my life was unmanageable and that I needed help to work a more thorough program.

Many of us entered recovery with a sense of unfulfilled neediness and feelings of shame and low self-worth. We may have tried to hide our negative emotions or escape them altogether by channeling them into our sexual compulsions. Perhaps we felt embarrassed to ask anyone for help; we wanted to believe we could manage our destiny.

Yet, we repeatedly found that we were powerless to control our behaviors and that our lives had become unmanageable.

As we attend meetings and hear other members share their experience, strength, and hope, we may begin to understand how being part of a community of recovering sexual compulsives can positively affect our lives. We might initially hesitate to commit ourselves to this fellowship. As we see how others have benefited from such support, we may find that it can nourish our recovery in ways we did not think possible.

By asking for help, we let go of our need for control; we develop trust in the group and in our Higher Power. Talking about our problems with loving, supportive people is one of the most valuable things we can do for ourselves in the program.

We begin to see ourselves as part of, not apart from, this fellowship.

Monday, September 28th

The members who share seem settled into their recovery. How can I ever be like them?

Many of us experienced wide emotional swings while acting out our sexual compulsions. We might have been excited or joyful one moment but depressed and despairing the next. Perhaps we resented another person’s successes or our perceived failures.

In recovery, we might retain some of these emotions. We might not identify with another member’s story or become envious of their recovery. Meanwhile, we might struggle to stay on our Sexual Recovery Plan or have difficulty with the Steps or finding a sponsor.

To help reduce the impact of these negative thoughts and emotions, we can look for similarities in meetings rather than differences. We can try to identify with the feelings, not just the facts, of what we hear. We may soon realize that we all suffer from the powerlessness and unmanageability of compulsive sexual behaviors, whatever our individual stories may be.

This common ground may help us benefit from others’ experience, strength, and hope as we work our recovery. We learn to live contentedly with our imperfections and our sexual identity. We begin to accept who we are and realize that this is enough.

We will seek spiritual progress, not perfection, comparing ourselves not to others but to the people we used to be.