Sunday, October 11th

My acting out “excused” me from making any commitments.

Doing service in SCA is a great gift we can give to ourselves and others. As one slogan says: We received without cost and now give without charge.

Many of us felt isolated and desperate when we arrived at our first meeting. We may have found it difficult to believe that we could find recovery in such an environment. But as we attended more meetings, we began to sense that we might belong there. Gradually, we overcame early anxiety about sharing and began to help others in ways that made us feel comfortable and connected us with them.

Doing service may seem to be a leap of faith. We might shy away from it, driven by the same feelings of shame and low self-esteem that had underlined our compulsion. But someone must chair the meeting, pay the rent, and distribute literature. Members become sponsors, answer the SCA hotline, help with special events, and represent the meeting at Intergroup. Helping others is a by-product of spiritual growth.

We raise our self-esteem and develop compassion for others by taking esteemable actions. In making real connections, we nurture ourselves through friendships and social interaction.

Our lives go from being centered on compulsive sex to being centered on service.

Saturday, October 10th

No matter how many times I have fallen, I go back to a meeting and share my story.

Many of us can recall the adrenaline rush we got from compulsive sex. We felt that acting out was something we just had to do.

In recovery, we hear about the willingness to change. We might identify the harmful behaviors we wish to remove and seek to replace them with healthy, affirming activities. Creating a Sexual Recovery Plan can give us hope. Yet, we may begin to doubt that these measures will cause any lasting changes.

We start to rationalize these feelings. We might feel entitled to a “reward” for staying on our Sexual Recovery Plan or a “punishment” for not being perfect. Maybe something crops up that brings on new anxieties. At that point, a slip may be too tempting to avoid.

One way to work through the frustrations and shame from a slip is to acknowledge it and reconnect with the program, particularly by sharing at meetings. If we hold it in, we risk letting shame and isolation build up, setting us up for another slip that may escalate into a binge. Acknowledging shame reduces its impact and interrupts the compulsive cycle.

I shared about my slip in a meeting and felt affirmed by other members’ understanding and compassion.