Monday, October 19th
I stopped practicing safe sex and stopped caring about what might happen to me.
In our compulsion, we might have chosen to ignore the potential consequences of our behaviors. For us, sexual acting out provided a brief escape from reality. Why spoil the feeling by dwelling on the aftermath?
“When I felt the need for sex, there was no turning back. Nothing else mattered: I just did it.”
Many of us begin our recovery by vowing to control our behaviors. We may try “white knuckling” it, determined to conquer our compulsion through self-deprivation. We might create a strict Sexual Recovery Plan to “enforce” our sobriety.
At first, the suggestion to turn our will and our lives over to the care of God as we understand God might seem counterintuitive. How can we control our compulsion if we give up our control? Answering this question can be a turning point in our willingness to acknowledge and accept spiritual growth.
By striving too hard for success, we may sabotage ourselves. Letting go implies trust. We gradually learn to trust our Higher Power, believing we can ask for and receive help. We can cite the Serenity Prayer or the slogan Easy does it during stressful periods.
Our goal is spiritual progress, not spiritual perfection.