Friday, September 4th
I gradually realized that there had to be other ways to relate to people than through hookups.
For many of us, feelings of shame and low self-esteem fueled our compulsive sexual behaviors. Such negative emotions may have led us to isolate, fearing that contact with our peers might add humiliation to our shame. We were sure that others could see our lack of value.
Many of us found that sex provided a short reprieve from our low self-esteem by allowing us to feel powerful. Some of us used dishonesty and manipulation to find affirmation and to hide from our negative feelings.
“I was trying to escape reality, desperately trying to find a connection through sex — anything to make me feel I had some value.”
When we attend SCA meetings, we hear others share honestly, which gives us hope that our lives can be different. Using the Steps and Tools, we may begin to expand upon this hope, starting with our growing trust in this community of recovering sexual compulsives. We gain self-esteem and connection as we begin to share at meetings, do service, and relate to others.
That sense of being alone in the world, of being unlovable, starts to fade.
We may become relaxed enough to be attractive to others instead of coming across as desperate and needy.