Friday, October 23rd
I had plenty of resentments to justify my acting out — I had the entire list in my head.
In our active compulsion, many of us thought our lives were miserable. Our desire to escape negative feelings drove us to self-isolate, which added to our shame and low self-esteem. We may have felt nobody was on our side, that the world had become a hostile environment in which we had to struggle to meet our needs.
Compulsive sex had become our refuge, our way to break free from our negative feelings through the momentary excitement of validation.
By attending meetings, we learn how to share our experiences and hear others’ stories. We read the Twelve Steps, observe others working their recovery, and begin to find hope. We can start letting go of the anger, fear, resentments, and shame that have burdened our lives. We learn forgiveness and can experience compassion, both for ourselves and others.
We may slowly begin to see changes in our behavior and outlook on life. Our reasons to be grateful increase as our desire to act out decreases. We might choose to make a gratitude list as our recovery progresses. Over time, we will expand our list as we experience spiritual growth.
My recovery has given me great gifts, and I am thankful.