Monday, October 5th
I thought the program was about acquiring the power to control my behavior.
In our active compulsion, many of us worried that we had trapped ourselves into a way of living that had little to do with our hopes, plans, or values. We often tried to stop our harmful behaviors or at least slow them down but invariably admitted defeat.
We may have told ourselves that we lacked willpower, that we were not really addicts but merely injured people seeking excitement and validation to compensate for the misery we felt. One day, we told ourselves, we would feel “normal” again.
When we attend our first SCA meeting, we hear about surrender, a Higher Power, and trust — words that may make us wary. However, we can accept the importance of rigorous honesty as a starting point. Without rigorous honesty, we remain in denial. Denial tells us that our lives are manageable and that our sexuality is under control. Honesty begins to break that illusion.
As we read the Steps, we find a way to connect to hope that our lives can be different. We learn that trusting and working with a Higher Power can give us the tools to turn that hope into making real changes.
We will let go of sexual compulsion as our Higher Power and discover a faith that works.