Tuesday, September 8th
When I got drunk and had sex with strangers, I felt I had some value. I craved that feeling.
In our compulsion, many of us ignored boundaries in search of our next sexual high. We may have taken risks by engaging in behaviors that were inconsistent with our values. Eventually, our sexual acting out became an end to itself: we might have used any available sexual behavior to distract us from increasing feelings of anxiety and shame.
“I had low self-esteem and barely any boundaries. I used sex to feel validated, even by strangers I would not have otherwise invited home.”
Taking inventory can help us recognize how we have ignored our values and limits by acting out. Working our recovery gives us tools to help us break the cycle of lying, shame, and humiliation that can fuel our compulsion. This process involves trusting in our Higher Power and in our community of recovering sexual compulsives. Through this trust, we gradually learn to reestablish boundaries around our sexuality and our relationships.
We learn for the first time how to grow despite our doubts and fears. We can show compassion for ourselves in our new way of living.
For me, sobriety is living within my limits.