Sunday, August 30th
August 30th – It’s the Resentment!
I internally replayed resentments for decades: I self-medicated through compulsive sex.
Many of us struggle to repress the anxieties, fears, and shame that may have plagued us since childhood. Our early traumas and humiliations can often feed resentments that we replay in our minds. Resentments may create a sense of entitlement. In this state of mind, many of us find short-term relief by engaging in sexual behaviors that might harm us or others. Yet, such feelings of relief, euphoria, control, or power seldom last.
Some of us channel our resentments and shame into perfectionism, which can shift our feelings of low self-esteem and shame into grandiosity and contempt for others.
When we take a personal inventory in Step Four, we list our resentments, fears, sexually compulsive behaviors, and other harms. Often, merely listing them helps “right-size” some of our longest-held traumas and negative beliefs.
As we work the Steps, we may become able to let go of things we cannot change or at least reduce their continued impact on our lives. We become willing to forgive — not to forget, but to move on by accepting our reality and expanding our outlook.
We may learn to replace our demeaning and angry inner voices with compassion and serenity.
We will experience a rebirth of our relationship with our Higher Power, with ourselves, and with others.