Wednesday, July 22nd
Addiction kept me from any authentic feeling.
For many of us, sex and fantasy served as anesthetics, numbing our pain and sheltering us from the realities we did not want to face.
We may have desperately searched for someone to validate us and make us feel whole. The validation we got from being sexually desired sometimes made us feel worthy and powerful, though such feelings quickly faded. The more we relied on those validations, the less worthy and more incomplete we may have felt.
The aftermath of compulsive sex often increased our sense of emptiness and shame. At some point, we may have realized that our sexual acting out no longer numbed the pain but made it feel worse.
“I tried not to think about my problems and desperately tried to find a personal connection that would make me feel worthy.”
As we work our SCA program, we discover that recovery is more than just stopping our compulsive behaviors. Listening to others share at meetings can provide spiritual nourishment. So does working the Steps and developing trust in a Higher Power. By using the Tools, we can choose new ways of living instead of slipping back into our compulsive habits.
We will let go of sexual compulsion as our Higher Power and discover a faith that works.