Thursday, August 13th
I hid from others because I feared being mocked and ridiculed.
For many sexual compulsives, self-isolation became a way of life. We sought to escape feelings of shame and low self-esteem through fantasy. We hid our feelings and actions from others and ourselves, even though we may have felt cut off from the world by doing so. For some, our fears of intimacy and our desire for secrecy drove us to break connections with family and friends.
“Part of me wants to isolate, part wants to blame others for not liking me, but I ultimately want to feel justified by acting out through sex.”
Over time, we may have thought of ourselves as robots: insulated from feelings, always in control. Any spiritual beliefs we may have held began to fade as we grew more self-absorbed.
In recovery, we read Step One, in which we admit the powerlessness and unmanageability of our sexual compulsion. This Step begins to break through the wall of denial that many of us have built. Acknowledging a power greater than ourselves becomes the bridge out of isolation and into hope. We realize that SCA is a “we” program, not a “me” program. What we cannot do alone, we can do with others.
Sharing our concerns with other members can help break destructive patterns of isolation and self-pity.