Wednesday, August 12th
I tried to escape the chaos of home by self-soothing through fantasy and compulsive masturbation.
Some of us grew up in dysfunctional or abusive families. We naturally needed affirmation, attention, and affection. If we did not receive these things in our formative years, we suffered.
As children, we wanted to be liked by everyone but may have felt ignored or isolated. Many of us believed we were worthless but tried to hide our negative feelings from others, hoping to avoid further humiliation. To us, almost everyone else seemed better off than we were.
“By age 11, I just wanted to evaporate into thin air. The pain at home was unbearable, and I had nowhere to turn.”
Many of us carried those childhood anxieties, fears, and shame into our adult lives and turned to compulsive sex to find an escape. But no matter how often we tried to avoid those feelings, we became increasingly ashamed and often developed a sense that our lives were hopeless.
In recovery, we can try to make peace with our past. One sign of forgiveness and acceptance is letting go of wishing we had a happier childhood. Through Step work, we identify and learn to find a safe place for traumas, resentments, and fears that had once seemed so overwhelming.
Forgiveness becomes part of our spiritual growth and helps us change our behaviors and outlook.