Friday, August 7th
My porn fantasies created a loss of intimacy with my partner, which scared me.
Many find that pornography can help us escape feelings of anxiety and low self-worth. We might choose porn as a “safer” alternative to having compulsive sex with another person. We may also use porn to add excitement before or during sex or simply to “kill time.” In any case, viewing porn can give us an additional way to self-isolate.
Some of us may create a fantasy world around porn. We seek to avoid the world by living in a bubble of magical thinking, compulsivity, and illusion.
Pornography helps maintain such a bubble by creating fantasies of pleasure far beyond what we can realistically construct in our lives. Many of us discover that porn usage can negatively impact us physically and impede intimacy with sexual partners.
In recovery, we learn to fearlessly examine ourselves and begin to accept who we are. This awakening opens us to a broader world than that of compulsive sex, obsession, and fantasy. We can break the cycle of self-isolation and take affirming actions that help us restore intimacy with ourselves and others.
I am working on recapturing what it means to be fully present.