Tuesday, June 30th
The hyperactive, unending search for sex made me frantic, irritable, and dismissive of others.
Many of us experienced compulsive sex as a powerful combination of pleasure, pain, and remorse, often leading to shame. The validation we received from being sexually desired may have given us a sense of connection and affirmed our self-worth, however briefly. We thought so little of ourselves that we would do almost anything with anyone to get the validation we craved. For many, this search became a drug.
“I grew jealous if others were having sex at my acting-out place while I wasn’t.”
We may have eventually realized that compulsive sex provided only a short reprieve from our feelings of low self-esteem. Our sense of validation and of having power over others quickly faded, so we repeatedly sought more sex to recapture those feelings.
Admitting our powerlessness and unmanageability is an essential step in early recovery.
By using the Tools of the program, our attitude and outlook on life gradually improve. Our lives become more than the compelling need for our next sexual encounter, fix of validation, or distraction of a new obsession. We can focus on our personal growth, and we can set goals and boundaries for how we want to live.
I finally let go of desperation and embraced real connection.