Thursday, July 30th
My acting out is just a symptom.
When anxiety gripped us, we might have turned to sex as a means of escape. We acted out our sexual compulsions, hoping that excitement and validation would blunt our feelings of dread and emptiness. Yet, when we came down from the high of compulsive sex, those feelings would inevitably return, often more powerful and unmanageable than before.
“After every sexual encounter, my feelings of anxiety and shame returned. There seemed to be no way out.”
In recovery, we learn that repressing our feelings is not a goal, nor is repressing our sexuality. Working the Twelve Steps is a spiritual process of growth, being, and becoming. It is finding what works for us, asking for what we need, and accepting who we are. We embrace our feelings, both through step work and by sharing at meetings. In doing so, we find the courage to admit and express our emotions instead of channeling them into compulsive sex.
We work toward a willingness to accept a shift in our way of thinking: a different outlook, a sense that we aren’t alone and that help is available. We learn to “right-size” the anxieties and shame that have long burdened us.
Choosing to sit with a feeling instead of avoiding it strengthens me.