Saturday, July 4th
I had no power to stop acting out, even though I hated myself for doing it.
Many of us had difficulty letting go of our sexually compulsive behaviors. We may have wanted to stop acting out but could not resist clinging to our familiar rituals, however harmful we knew them to be. We thought of them as “old friends”— a safe, secret space that gave us a refuge from our perceived scary reality.
Yet, at some point, we came to realize that the pain of withdrawal could not be worse than the despair and emptiness we associated with our sexual acting out. Only we could tell what that point was — that period we might later describe as “hitting bottom.” Some have suggested that we hit bottom when we stop digging: we finally realize how deep the hole in us has become.
As our sponsors and fellow SCA members share their experience, strength, and hope with us, we may begin to identify with the healing process. Moving through withdrawal can restore our relationships with ourselves, our Higher Power, and others.
We can let go of sexual compulsion and discover a Higher Power and spirituality that works for us. We learn to trust the process and trust our Higher Power.
My recovery journey makes each day feel special.