Saturday, July 25th
My repeated slips showed I was not yet committed to recovery.
Recovery from sexual compulsion involves a commitment. Many of us have fixated on sex to escape our problems and to seek excitement and pleasure. We may have been demanding and perfectionist over our compulsion — we expected to get what we wanted immediately!
In effect, sexual compulsion can become a commitment of its own — one that may discourage or frighten us, even as we seek its momentary rewards. Afterward, we may feel shame and a deepening sense of low self-worth.
When we first attend SCA meetings, we hear others share about hope and their recovery journey, and these stories may give us the courage to start working our program.
Yet, recovery can be full of setbacks and frustrations. Perhaps we cannot stay away from our favorite acting-out behaviors. We may feel humiliated by sharing the same old story at meetings or with a sponsor or other member. The shame and low self-esteem might drive us to “take a break” from our program.
Nobody can say when we have hit bottom. Perhaps it is when we stop digging. We may discover that others drop out and then return without judgment. By coming back, we learn that hope is still there. It can be ours if we work for it.
Do not leave five minutes before the miracle happens.