Tuesday, July 7th
I kept reliving my acting out when I masturbated. Those memories were old friends.
Many of us try to follow our Sexual Recovery Plan and stay away from our bottom-line behaviors. By working to achieve our definition of sobriety, we hope to create room for expanding our lives.
But sexual compulsion can be cunning, baffling, and powerful. We may stop acting out for a while, but that period may be fraught with anxieties and painful withdrawal symptoms. We might also struggle to let go of the euphoric recall we associated with those behaviors.
“Deep down, I wanted to manage the consequences of my addiction while still enjoying it.”
We may realize that we need to have a spiritual awakening to recover what we have lost as active sexual compulsives. This awakening is one of the promises of our program, provided that we work the Steps and improve our relationship with a Higher Power of our understanding.
When confronted with the void within, we can decide that, for today, we choose not to act out. We trust that if we do not act on our compulsive urges, this, too, will pass. This trust lifts a burden from our shoulders and enables us to find serenity.
We will realize that we are not our compulsion.