Sunday, June 28th
I constantly lied to myself and others because I felt deeply flawed and was afraid to look at my life.
While taking personal inventory, some of us find that fear is an underlying factor for many of our character defects. Such fears may have begun in childhood, intensified during adolescence, and helped fuel our sexual compulsion. The list is long and varied and may include irrational fears many of us share.
Maybe something occurred in our lives that cemented a particular fear in place. There may be some fears that have no basis in actual events, that seem to exist with no cause. Whatever their nature, these can lead to feelings of shame and low self-esteem.
As we work our recovery, we may try to identify and “right-size” our fears but are only partially successful. New fears might arise, which may be related to another form of self-shaming: perfectionism.
There is no “right” way to work our recovery. We recover in our own way and may find that our lives start to change.
My defects of fear and selfishness are still there, but they no longer block my recovery.