Tuesday, June 23rd
Slow scares me: there’s no rush to thrill me then.
There’s no heady release to ease the pain of uncertainty.
Many of us used sex to escape such feelings as insecurity, pain, and fear. Our desire to avoid reality could spark a surge of anxiety that drove us into compulsively acting out as a form of escape.
“The more I tried to numb out my feelings of anxiety and despair, the more edgy and risky my acting out became.”
The intensity of our fixation on sex as a quick fix often added to our anxiety. We feared that we would never get what we wanted from our behaviors. Many of us self-isolated, fearing discovery, exposure, and humiliation. Our acting out prevented us from being in touch with our deeper feelings, so we repressed them.
Recovery can reintroduce us to our repressed feelings, and this process requires trust — that our feelings are neither facts nor permanent. Working the first three Steps can help us to develop trust — first in a Higher Power, then in ourselves, and finally in others. This trust can serve as a foundation when we are overwhelmed by our feelings.
As recovery proceeds, we begin to feel safe experiencing new levels of emotion. Slowly, we learn to recognize, trust, and express genuine feelings.
We will lose our fear of other people and fear of our sexuality.