Tuesday, January 21st
I learned to escape the chaos and to self-soothe through fantasy and compulsive masturbation.
Many of us discovered masturbation early in life and found it a self-soothing mechanism to escape from childhood and adolescent stress. For some, persistent reliance on masturbation led to feelings of shame and low self-esteem. Using this coping mechanism in our youth kept us from learning how to deal with our feelings as adults. We used compulsive masturbation, casual sex, anonymous sex, and other activities to avoid feelings. These behaviors provided the means to escape from reality into a fantasy world.
“Sex with a real person was scary and unpredictable. And when it didn’t happen like I’d seen or imagined, I just checked out mentally into fantasy where it felt safer.”
In recovery, we can decide how masturbation fits into our Sexual Recovery Plan. Understanding the emotions we experience during masturbation may help us determine if our masturbation is acting out or an act of self-love. As our recovery progresses, we can adjust our Sexual Recovery Plan as needed. We can learn to trust our Higher Power to help us discover a livable plan and lasting serenity.
For me, masturbation feels less compulsive but more an appreciation of my body and sexuality.