Friday, April 25th
I am healing from the shame of feeling defective and that it was somehow my fault.
Most of us brought plenty of baggage into recovery. Many of our issues are related to feelings of shame, which often seemed ingrained from our childhood. Shame is how we perceive ourselves: as broken and innately unacceptable. Shame can increase our sense of deprivation and may fuel our urge for compulsive sex.
Our shame sometimes becomes blame, and we often use blame as a defense mechanism to justify or punish our actions. We might be very self-judgmental, to the point of hitting ourselves in exasperation at our stupidity or foolishness. Blaming others can give us a sense of release from responsibility. We can use another person’s actions as an excuse to act out our compulsion.
“I would rush my partner to the hospital to treat his alcohol poisoning, then use that as an excuse to act out.”
H.O.W.: Honest, Open, and Willing is a simple acronym that can help guide our way through recovery. At first, we are ashamed to share our feelings with other SCA members, but the shame gradually lifts once we recognize how their character defects may closely resemble our own. Then, instead of feeling shame or finding fault and blaming others, we begin to feel compassion for ourselves and others.
My character defects are wounds to be healed, not my inborn, essential nature.