Thursday, April 24th
I envied others who were in relationships, but I was afraid to get that close to anyone.
Many of us repeatedly sought a healthy relationship but lacked the emotional courage to be open about ourselves. We had issues of low self-esteem. We feared disclosing our sexual compulsion. We may have had minimal experience with being honest and present in a sexual encounter, so we were equally unprepared for being honest and present in a relationship. Yet, we hunted relentlessly for another person whose attention would fill our emptiness.
We often saw others who appeared to have what we thought we wanted. However, their openness and honesty filled us with fear about the consequences of exposing our true selves. If revealing ourselves to another person was required for intimacy, it seemed beyond our reach. Our need to control any relationship conflicted with the equal exchange and vulnerability that intimacy requires.
Working the Steps and using the Tools help us make changes — first in our behaviors, then in our outlook. Gradually, we learn intimacy skills while remaining secure in our right to be ourselves, independent of others’ control.
The outcome of our recovery process is the rebirth of intimacy with ourselves, others, and our Higher Power.