Tuesday, April 22nd
Rage led me to seek harmful ways to have sex.
Many of us used compulsive sex to escape from painful feelings. We may have carried many resentments — some from as far back as our childhood — which smoldered within, sometimes erupting in the form of damage to ourselves or others.
Replaying those old resentments tended to magnify them, increasing our anger or self-loathing. Anxieties about our future often provided another excuse to medicate ourselves through sexual acting out.
As we recover from sexual compulsion, we find the courage to share our thoughts and feelings at meetings. We might also journal about them, using writing as a tool that helps clear the fog in our minds and short-circuit the connection between resentments and acting out. Some of us do this as a daily practice, checking in and learning to be rigorously honest with ourselves and our Higher Power. Once we build up some trust that the Higher Power of our understanding cares for us, we start taking actions to change our lives.
We remember that recovery does not usually progress in a neat, linear fashion. We find that living one day at a time simplifies our needs and enables us to “right size” life’s frustrations and setbacks. We will not replay the past nor try to control the future.
I get a daily reprieve by staying on my beam of recovery and living in the moment.