Friday, April 18th
When not acting out sexually, I wanted to be invisible.
Isolation is when we want to separate from the community and ourselves, often to escape feelings of shame and low self-esteem. Isolation is a way to hide. Feelings of inadequacy often led us to isolate ourselves. This behavior only compounded our unhappiness because we could not stand feeling lonely.
Compulsive sex provided relief from this unbearable sense of loneliness. We fled into a fantasy world — a world where we were in control and no one could hurt us — and our lives felt idyllic. However, all our efforts to escape were fleeting and ineffective.
Many find solitude as a healthy alternative to isolation. We may seek solitude to clear our minds from people, places, and things that distract us. By choosing solitude, we can tune out the confusion and find the freshness of reality, where we can live honestly with our thoughts and feelings.
In recovery, we develop a sense of self that frees us from our former compulsive rituals. We begin to expand our world and learn to embrace solitude as a reward in itself: a way to decompress while we live more fully.
Isolation made me miserable and desperate; solitude recharges my spirit.