Sunday, April 13th
I was so good at lying and “faking it” that I even fooled myself.
Many of us were in denial about the harmful effects of our behaviors on our lives. We lied to ourselves about the destructive nature of our actions. We tried to protect ourselves from the painful reality we had created. We often felt an intense need to hide these behaviors from ourselves and others. We believed if others saw us as we were, they would judge us as defective, perverse, and unworthy of love and respect. This belief created a conflict within us: we were often ashamed of our sexual activity and had few positive experiences.
Keeping our sex lives secret and lying about our activities required some mental acrobatics: we had to keep track of the lies we told to keep our stories straight. We may have compartmentalized our behaviors to such an extent — hiding from partners, friends, and families — that some of us felt we were living double lives.
“Certain people knew some things about me, but no one person knew me fully.”
A simple acronym, HOW: Honest, Open, and Willing, tells us how the SCA program works. We listen to others share their experience, strength, and hope at meetings, and we soon learn that we can also share honestly. Our interactions with people rely on openness instead of shutting down. We respond with a willingness to say yes to the program.
We begin to grow when we share honestly about our lives.