Thursday, April 3rd

We receive without cost and give without charge.

Many of us became so self-absorbed in our sexual compulsion, focusing so much attention on sex, that it became a ritual to the exclusion of all else — and everyone else. Our compulsion fueled our isolation as we abandoned ourselves, family, friends, and community. All other considerations took second place.

We swept aside the give-and-take of daily life in the world; we had become takers only, and our thoughts moved from selfishness into a sense of entitlement.

The “hole in the soul” grew larger, and many of us despaired over finding a way to “fix” ourselves. At this point, we began attending SCA meetings, hoping to find some relief.

Nobody can say when the process of change begins, but we may notice signs throughout our journey. We sense a way to move forward by attending meetings, hearing members’ shares, working with a sponsor, and socializing with others. We learn how to be honest, open, and willing in a safe space.

We experience change both when we help others and when others help us. Service no longer feels like a chore; doing it raises our spiritual sense of connection.

I experience a daily reprieve when my program is focused on openly giving and receiving.

Wednesday, April 2nd

For years, I thought my actions were mine alone — secret and hidden.

We were often in denial about the harmful effects our behaviors had on our lives — we lied to ourselves about the destructive nature of those actions. This need to separate our sexual behaviors from the rest of our lives kept us from being honest with others. Dependence on secrecy increased our stress and contributed to the belief that we were manipulative and deceitful.

Deception and secrecy became a way of life, and maintaining this charade only increased our guilt and shame. No matter how much sex we had, we felt a growing emptiness.

As we recover, some of us realize that we need to have a spiritual awakening to restore some balance to our lives. Working the Steps and establishing a relationship with a Higher Power gives us the tools to choose a different way of living.

We learn to share honestly and experience our feelings fully without the compelling, urgent need to escape from them. We can define and embrace our healthy sexuality. Our lives will improve as we continue to accept recovery as a way of life.

Honesty begins to break through denial and secrecy.