Tuesday, March 18th
Every day I put off doing my fourth Step is another day of resentments, fears, and not feeling good.
When we start working the Steps, many of us find the energy to move forward into our new lives of recovery. However, in our honest sharing and reflections, we realize that past wreckage is blocking us from moving forward. There are damaged relationships, self-sabotaged careers, significant debts, and a bundle of resentments, hurts, and regrets of every variety. Any of these can block us from making progress inside and out.
“I kept putting it off: I was afraid to take stock of my complicated life.”
The SCA program asks us to take a “fearless and moral [truthful] inventory” because experience has shown that the spiritual principle of cleaning house can help us stay away from our sexually compulsive behaviors. The term “rigorous honesty” can sound punitive, but practicing honesty shines a light upon the resentments, fears, and harms most of us have hidden.
Taking an honest inventory can help us identify false beliefs and “right-size” some of the burdens we carry. We also look at our strengths. An inventory, after all, involves taking stock: counting the stock, good and bad, assets and liabilities.
I soon realized I had hidden my best qualities in a swamp of shame.