Tuesday, March 11th
I lied to my partner, I lied to myself, and I lied about those lies.
Many of us went to great lengths to conceal our sexual behaviors, sometimes even disguising our daily activities. We tried to cover our tracks, hiding these activities from partners, family, friends, and work colleagues. Hiding our behaviors and lying about them became second nature to most of us. The rest of the world might see one side of us, but only the side we chose to show.
The focus on meeting our dependency demands and the fear of being exposed as a fraud kept us trapped in a repetitive cycle of acting out.
We may have first encountered the phrase “rigorous honesty” when we began hearing about the Steps, especially Step Four with its “searching and fearless moral inventory.” This phrase sounded scary, leading us to imagine harsh lights in an interrogation room.
But by learning to use the Tools, including the Steps, we begin to face our issues. We can ask our Higher Power for help to become honest with ourselves and others. We know we are making progress when honesty feels like the best response rather than yet another lie.
I have become rigorously honest about behaviors I want to stop, one day at a time.