Tuesday, February 4th
I needed to escape that feeling of emptiness, and it drove me to act out.
Many of us went to great lengths to conceal our sexual behaviors. However, we may have failed to understand that hiding our true nature from others would isolate us from ourselves. Often, we chose not to notice or think about our issues and feelings — things we subconsciously knew we could not face.
Our self-isolation made us feel empty and incomplete. For many, “empty and incomplete” turned out to be the same as abandoned and rejected — not only by others but by us. We chose to medicate feelings of shame and low self-esteem by engaging in compulsive sex, but we felt a growing emptiness, a “hole in the soul.” This void in our lives contributed to our shame and made us more likely to dismiss the value of any spiritual way of life.
Working our recovery is more than abstention from the sexual behaviors we deem harmful. Some of us realized that we need to have a spiritual awakening to recover what we had lost as active sexual compulsives. By working the Steps and establishing a relationship with a Higher Power of our choosing, we can change our behaviors and expand our lives.
I have learned that my recovery is a precious gift.