Thursday, August 15th

My first three Steps: admitting I needed help, asking for help, and beginning to accept that help.

Most of us associate the word “surrender” with defeat, as in, “I give up!” That expression has a finality about it — the end of a story. But our story does not end there. We joined SCA because we wanted relief from sexually compulsive activity that was often repetitive, mindless, and harmful.

We seek recovery when we realize that no amount of sex will ever fill our emptiness or make our lives magically free from everyday irritations. We begin to see that all previous efforts to fill that emptiness failed.

“I admitted that I had never controlled the disease and that I had to let go before it killed me.”

The benefits of “turning over” or “letting go” can be summarized simply: Let go or be dragged. What is it that we are letting go of? We are letting go of our false belief that compulsive sex will somehow enable us to escape those things we fear encountering.

Reading the first three Steps suggests that we surrender. Surrendering does not mean we give up. In fact, we are turning over our control to a power greater than ourselves and learning to trust this power to guide us to change our behaviors and expand our lives.

The process of surrender never ends. I am graced with a daily reprieve.

Wednesday, August 14th

I tried to cover up my constant pursuit of sex. The thought of telling the truth scared me.

Many of us lied to family, friends, and partners about our sexual compulsion. This need to separate our sexual behaviors from the rest of our lives increased our stress and contributed to our belief that we were unlovable.

For some, dishonesty became ingrained enough to be a source of shame in early recovery. We wanted to tell our stories and ask others for help, but we feared humiliation, judgment, and even ridicule. Dishonesty may have become a defense mechanism, as opposed to an active attempt to deceive.

“I recall sharing at one of my first meetings. There was so much I could have said, but I was scared. I blushed when my time was up.”

Practicing rigorous honesty in sharing can help us. Honesty begins to break the bubble of denial. Our urge to withhold can lead to roadblocks in our recovery. If we cannot build trust in our Higher Power and our fellow members, we might miss the spiritual growth that often comes from letting go.

With the help of the program and our Higher Power, we can take an honest look at ourselves and release our shame.

Compulsion thrives in secrecy; we take action to break that cycle.