Tuesday, November 26th
I searched for new highs by acting out, but my compulsion drove me to new lows.
Some have suggested that we hit bottom when we stop digging. But many of us were stuck in an acting out cycle where we felt the only chance of relief was by engaging in even more exciting and risky sexual behaviors.
Our vision had narrowed to a pinpoint, and we lost connection with anyone or anything that did not promise sexual relief. We may have felt that our acting out was taking us further away from any spiritual connection. This void in our lives contributed to our feelings of shame and isolation.
Perhaps we experienced an unexpected event: an unwelcome medical diagnosis, financial trouble, job or relationship loss, or bereavement. The news jolted us, and we became suddenly desperate to “fix” the situation, hopefully without having to look too closely at our behavior.
We might be confused or alarmed by what we hear at our first SCA meeting. Yet, attending that meeting is an implied action of Step One. Maybe we are ready to admit our powerlessness and unmanageability. Doing so may give us insight into how deep the hole in us has become.
My life began to change when I took that first step into recovery.